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Change in responsibilities of children

Change in responsibilities of children p1My3
In this modern era, children are not bound with as much responsibilities as compared to the earlier times. According to some people, it is positive trend in the society. On the other hand, some people think that it is not a good sign and needs attention. Nowadays, young children are not feeling enough responsibilities over their shoulders. Some parents think of this as advantageous for their kids. One of the reasons behind this thinking is that youngsters are able to enjoy their life more in this manner. They know that life is short and one should live free from any kind of tension because they equate loads of responsibilities with tension. Another advantage is that they are able to think about their personal goals such as career, financial and others. For example, if they are focusing on improving their salary, they can do so by working for extra hours without having any burden of resolving family disputes and matters. On the other hand, the other group of parents do not find anything positive in the trend of reducing responsibilities towards their home and family members. They think that this kind of trend would not make them a responsible citizen and they would rather become self-centric. Apart from this, the loveable relationship in such families is likely to get diminished as the young children may become selfish and pampered. For instance, it is commonly seen that young kids are becoming insensitive towards their old parents and sending them to old age homes when they get married. Conclusively, though different people have different opinions about children being given lesser responsibilities, I feel that it is a good trend since in this way, they become more independent and self sufficient.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not bound with as
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
as compared to the earlier times. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
in the society. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
and needs attention.

Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
over their shoulders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of this as advantageous for their kids. One of the reasons behind this thinking is that youngsters are able to enjoy their life more in this manner. They know that life is short and one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
free from any kind of tension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they equate loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
with tension. Another advantage is that they are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about their personal goals such as career, financial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
For example
, if they are focusing on improving their salary, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by working for extra hours without having any burden of resolving family disputes and matters.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
group of parents
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "does"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'do' is not always incorrect.)
do
not find anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
towards their home and family members. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a responsible
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
citizen and
they would
rather
become self-centric. Apart from this, the loveable relationship in such families is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diminished as the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may become selfish and pampered.
For instance
, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that young kids are becoming insensitive towards their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents and sending them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.

Conclusively
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
, I feel that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
since in this way, they become more independent and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
.
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IELTS essay Change in responsibilities of children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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