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The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.
It has become a question of debate whether the organisation of the global sports events is helpful in the maintenance of harmony and stability throughout the world or not. This essay agrees with the given statement because such events, promote cultural exchange and furthermore, boosts the country's economy. First of all, sports tournaments provide opportunities for the players to know about the foreign culture. This is due to the reason that when different nations participate in these special sports meet, players get ample chances to mingle with each other, which in turn, would help in the establishment of a healthy bond of relationships among them. For instance, if cricket series is organised between two countries, such as India and Australia, then the players get to know each other well and their norms which encourages peace and security. Thus it is appropriate to organise these meets periodically to maintain the feeling of fraternity. Moreover, the host nation is economically benefitted and consequently, it enhances stability of the nation. Since innumerable tourists from all over the world come to watch these matches, therefore they stay in the hosting countries and purchase tickets which adds to the nations' income. One particular good example of this, Olympic games which are held after every four years in distinct nations, which not only give identity to their culture, but also a source of making money for the host nations. To elucidate, these are a good source of the wealth of the organising nations. To sum up, healthy sports activities would maintain the peaceful relationships and reduce the level of disputes among the nations. In the above paragraphs, it was discussed that these encourage the transmission of culture and progress of the nation. I think that these tournaments should be organised for the welfare of the global world.
It has become a question of debate whether the
organisation
of the global
sports
events
is helpful in the maintenance of harmony and stability throughout the world or not. This essay
agrees
with the
given
statement
because
such
events
, promote cultural exchange and
furthermore
, boosts the country's economy.

First of all
,
sports
tournaments provide opportunities for the players to know about the foreign culture. This is due to the reason that when
different
nations
participate in these special
sports
meet
, players
get
ample chances to mingle with each other, which in turn, would
help
in the establishment of a healthy bond of relationships among them.
For instance
, if cricket series is
organised
between two countries, such as India and Australia, then the players
get
to know each other well and their norms which encourages peace and security.
Thus
it is appropriate to
organise
these meets
periodically
to maintain the feeling of fraternity.

Moreover
, the host
nation
is
economically
benefitted
and
consequently
, it enhances stability of the
nation
. Since innumerable tourists from all over the world
come
to
watch
these matches,
therefore
they stay in the hosting countries and
purchase
tickets which
adds
to the nations' income. One particular
good
example of this,
Olympic games
which
are held
after every four years in distinct
nations
, which not
only
give identity to their culture,
but
also
a source of making money for the host
nations
. To elucidate, these are a
good
source of the wealth of the
organising
nations.

To sum up, healthy
sports
activities would maintain the peaceful relationships and
reduce
the level of disputes among the
nations
. In the above paragraphs, it
was discussed
that these encourage the transmission of culture and progress of the
nation
. I
think
that these tournaments should be
organised
for the welfare of the global world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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