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work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letterdescribe the problem with the equipmentexplain how this problem is affecting your worksay v.1

work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letterdescribe the problem with the equipmentexplain how this problem is affecting your worksay v. 1
Everyone needs education and school is not the only place where children can learn. Nevertheless, students are forced to study in subjects that they don’t have interest on while the subjects they learn are likely going to be useless. I shall agree that leaving school for the job is the right decision to make for their future. One of the main reasons why children are allowed to leave school is passion. As a parent, paying attention to what their children like is a must. Because, child, they are passionate to develop their skills on things they like. Some of Indonesian parents, for instance, took their child to have another extra course. They perceived that all subjects are important and expect their child to get a good grades albeit it makes them exhausted. Therefore, it is acceptable to support child to go after their passion. On the other hand, success in school doesn’t guarantee that the children will get successful in life. Because the educational background might be important, but skills and work experience is likely more preferred. For example, entrepreneurs who dropped out college at the age of 19 to 22 years old such as Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and many more. By having more skills and experience, is also an additional value compared to students who stayed in school because the child is one step ahead. However, getting a job also means that children will get their own income, they will be financially independent. A good example is when a child could afford living by themselves, they indirectly lighten their parent’s burden. In other words child no longer need the financial support from their parents. Since the majority of all parents want at least, their kids to be financially independent. In conclusion, leaving school early is a great opportunity to gain a new experience and improving children’s skills. Instead of wasting time for learning subjects that unavailing which children will forget in the future, children should focus on their passion.
Everyone needs education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn.
Nevertheless
, students
are forced
to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they don’t have interest on while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they learn are likely going to be useless. I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for the job is the right decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for their future.

One of the main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is passion. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, paying attention to what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they are passionate to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
on things they like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
for instance
, took their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to have another extra course. They perceived that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades albeit it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them exhausted.
Therefore
, it is acceptable to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to go after their passion.

On the other hand
, success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
doesn’t guarantee that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
successful in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the educational background might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and work experience is likely more preferred.
For example
, entrepreneurs who dropped out college at the age of 19 to 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
such as Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. By having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and experience, is
also
an additional value compared to students who stayed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is one step ahead.

However
, getting a job
also
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income, they will be
financially
independent. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could afford living by themselves, they
indirectly
lighten their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
burden. In other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "words'" or "word's"?
words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
no longer need the financial support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Since the majority of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want at least, their kids to be
financially
independent.

In conclusion
, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
early is a great opportunity to gain a new experience and improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Instead
of wasting time for learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that unavailing which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will forget in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on their passion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letterdescribe the problem with the equipmentexplain how this problem is affecting your worksay v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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