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Work and travel before university

Work and travel before university 1a1xM
Many young people know just a few things about life. Some just want to live day by day, look only in the present. They might never look into the future, do not know which path to go, what life they want to live. Some people become old while they still regret their youth life. The opportunity to learn and experience the real world could help them set their perspective and help them walk in the right direction. In my opinion, studying and working always has a line between them. I saw many people unable to manage themselves when they are facing the real world. If they have a chance to peek into another side, this will help them prepare to handle most situations in their life. Furthermore, travelling can help young people to see many possibilities in this world. They might find something that really impresses them because when they have to pick their major at the university, it might be the most important moment in their life. If they do it wrong, not only money that would be lost, their precious time will be wasted too. On the other side, doing something rather than study might distract them. After graduated from high school, their knowledge still fresh. If they do not continue to study after this, it might be hard to reconnected and this could take some time to be as good as that moment. I heard some idiom that said "strike while the iron is hot", this means they should use their knowledge while it still in good condition. In conclusion, work or travel before starting their university life might be good for someone who stills not knows which direction to go but for people who already know what to do, wasting their time on something unnecessary might get more disadvantage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few things about
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life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
day by day, look
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only
in the present. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
never look into the future, do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
which path to go, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
while they
still
regret their youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The opportunity to learn and experience the real world could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them set their perspective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them walk in the right direction.

In my opinion, studying and working always has a line between them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unable to manage themselves when they are facing the real world. If they have a chance to peek into another side, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them prepare to handle most situations in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, travelling can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possibilities in this world. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find something that
really
impresses them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pick their major at the university, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If they do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money that would
be lost
, their precious time will
be wasted
too.

On the other side, doing something
rather
than study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
distract them. After graduated from high school, their knowledge
still
fresh. If they do not continue to study after this, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reconnected and this could take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to be as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as that moment. I heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
idiom that said
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
strike while the iron is hot
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, this means they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their knowledge while it
still
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.

In conclusion
, work or travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for someone who stills not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
which direction to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what to do, wasting their time on something unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more disadvantage.
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IELTS essay Work and travel before university

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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