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Women should stay at home rather than going to work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Women should stay at home rather than going to work. VY0mm
The role of women in the society has long been a controversy. While progressive idealists support the notion that women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers, others disagree. In my opinion the time has come for women to have equal rights in their careers as their male counterparts. In the past, the general belief was that the main job of women was to get a husband, give birth to children, and take care of them while their husbands support the family financially. It is undeniable that women have to spend more time caring for their children than men, as they have natural roles that cannot be replaced such as breastfeed, however, many still believe that apart from family work, women are incapable of anything else. They claim women lack the strength, wit and courage required to survive in a working environment. However, such notion was only an excuse to maintain the male-dominated order of the past. In the modern and progressive society of today, it has been increasingly supported that women should have equal chances to boost their careers as men. Both two sexes have certain strengths and weaknesses, and to put it bluntly, women are capable of many things that men can and cannot do. For example, history has witnessed many neglected female inventors such as Hedy Lamarr-who invented Wifi, and we have seen an increasing number in policewomen who excel in their jobs. The evidence all support the fact that women are just as significant as men, and therefore should be given equal opportunities to work and extend their careers. In conclusion, I believe that the traditional view has become obsolete and sexist, and women should be able to work and develop themselves as men do.
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the society has long been a controversy. While progressive

idealists support the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and

excel in their careers, others disagree. In my opinion the time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for women

to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
rights in their careers as their male counterparts.

In the past, the general belief was that the main job of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a

husband, give birth to children, and take care of them while their husbands support

the family
financially
. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more time caring

for their children than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, as they have natural roles that cannot
be replaced
such

as breastfeed,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
still
believe that apart from family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are

incapable of anything else. They claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
lack the strength, wit and courage

required to survive in a working environment.
However
, such notion was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an

excuse to maintain the male-dominated order of the past.

In the modern and progressive society of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it has been
increasingly
supported

that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
chances to boost their careers as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Both two

sexes have certain strengths and weaknesses, and to put it
bluntly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are

capable of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can and cannot do.
For example
, history has

witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
neglected female inventors such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hedy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lamarr-who
invented

Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
Wifi
, and we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an increasing number in policewomen who excel in their

jobs. The evidence all support the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as significant as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,

and
therefore
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and extend their careers.

In conclusion
, I believe that the traditional view has become obsolete and sexist,

and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and develop themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do.
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IELTS essay Women should stay at home rather than going to work.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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