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Women should be promoted to top jobs in business and politics before men.

Women should be promoted to top jobs in business and politics before men. GLPKg
Nowadays it is often argued that men and women do not have the same professional opportunities in a variety of spheres, especially in entrepreneurship and politics. Thus, many people consider that it is more preferable to promote female stuff, not male, to a senior position. I agree that by doing this the role of women will be enhanced, however, I reckon that both genders should be treated equally without giving preferences to only one. To begin with, women should have the same positions in workplaces as men. Firstly, they have good communication and diplomacy skills. These make them worth to be promoted to senior positions in politics, for instance. On top of that, if there are representatives of both sexes it can create a pleasant and supportive working environment. As a consequence, the balance can be reached. Furthermore, it is better when there is a number of females in the government. The great majority of them do not choose this sphere of work because of knowing that they will not be promoted, but it is believed that they can contribute to the development and prosperity of country. To sum up, there should be equal percentage of both genders at work. It is thought that people should be employed according to their qualifications, abilities and experience. Both men and women possess different skills that can contribute to better work. As an example, it has been proven that females have good analytical skills so that they can succeed in a challenging situation by virtue of their problem solving abilities. Men are much more patient that is considered to be the most important feature in the workplace. Consequently, the combination of skills of both sexes can provide good results and make the job prosper. So, career success depends on individual merits rather than gender preferences. The world is changing fastly and now it is time to tackle the main obstacle in the society - gender inequality. As mentioned above, either men or women are able to do their best at work and all have talents and abilities to accomplish their duties in a perfect way. That is why, both genders should be promoted to top positions in any sphere.
Nowadays it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not have the same professional opportunities in a variety of spheres,
especially
in entrepreneurship and politics.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is more preferable to promote female stuff, not male, to a senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that by doing this the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will
be enhanced
,
however
, I reckon that both genders should
be treated
equally
without giving preferences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in workplaces as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Firstly
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication and diplomacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them worth to
be promoted
to senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in politics,
for instance
.
On top of that
, if there are representatives of both sexes it can create a pleasant and supportive working environment. As a consequence, the balance can
be reached
.
Furthermore
, it is better when there is a number of females in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The great majority of them do not choose this sphere of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of knowing that they will not
be promoted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is believed
that they can contribute to the development and prosperity of country. To sum up, there should be equal percentage of both genders at work.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be employed
according to their qualifications, abilities and experience. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can contribute to better work. As an example, it has
been proven
that females have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
analytical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can succeed in a challenging situation by virtue of their problem solving abilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
are much more patient that
is considered
to be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
feature in the workplace.
Consequently
, the combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of both sexes can provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the job prosper.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, career success depends on individual merits
rather
than gender preferences.

The world is changing
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is time to tackle the main obstacle in the society
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
gender inequality. As mentioned above, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to do their best at work and all have talents and abilities to accomplish their duties
Consider replacing "in a perfect way" with the adverb for "perfect"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a perfect way
.
That is
why, both genders should
be promoted
to top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in any sphere.
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IELTS essay Women should be promoted to top jobs in business and politics before men.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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