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women should be considered in army and police but some oppose it. Discuss both and give your view

women should be considered in army and police but some oppose it. Discuss both and give your view BMJg6
Nowadays men and women are considered equal in all aspects of society. Some people opine that women ought to work shoulder to shoulder with men even in jobs related to defence while others oppose that these police and army jobs are not for women. I personally agree with the former statement. Those who think that females must apply for military and police jobs have their own reasons. Firstly, right to equality has given men and women equal choices in all fields. For example, men are serving as a teachers and nurses which was believed as women domains in past then females can also seek defence jobs. Secondly, there and many things in these jobs which women can handle in a better way. For example, women had proved themselves in India when handling juvenile crime. To add up, candidates should be selected based on their qualifications and skills not based on their gender. However, others think that females are not suitable for military jobs due to many reasons. To begin with, their physical strength is perceived less as compared to males. Secondly, these are round the clock jobs with no limit on working hours as a result women should not be selected in such fields. Thirdly, they have responsibility of family and children so they may not able to justify their duty. To conclude, I think ladies have equal rights as that of men consequently they should not be discouraged from applying any kind of job. Their physical power can be improved by regular work outs and exercises and families can share their responsibility.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are considered
equal in all aspects of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
ought to work shoulder to shoulder with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
while others oppose that these police and army
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
apply for military and police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons.
Firstly
, right to equality has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
equal choices in all fields.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are serving as a teachers and nurses which
was believed
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
domains in past then females can
also
seek
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Secondly
, there and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can handle in a better way.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had proved themselves in India when handling juvenile crime. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up, candidates should
be selected
based on their qualifications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
not based on their gender.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that females are not suitable for military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, their physical strength
is perceived
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to males.
Secondly
, these are round the clock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with no limit on working hours
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not
be selected
in such fields.
Thirdly
, they have responsibility of family and children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may not able to justify their duty.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
ladies have equal rights as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
consequently
they should not
be discouraged
from applying any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Their physical power can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by regular work outs and exercises and families can share their responsibility.
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IELTS essay women should be considered in army and police but some oppose it. Discuss both and give your view

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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