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Do we live in a better world than our grandparents?

Do we live in a better world than our grandparents? GwM9L
It is undoubted that there are a lot of differences between each generation. Compared to the previous generation, the generation of my parents, young people today have a generally better quality of life. This is due to technology and a more open-minded and stable society. To begin with, today's technology brings great convenience to our lives. In this generation, technology has become indispensable. Unlike the former generations, which Internet and electronic devices hadn't flourished yet. It is undeniable that technology has brought us huge benefits. But for our parents and grandparents, it takes a bit more time for them to get used to it. Today's world is more open-minded than almost ever before. In the Feudal society, gay marriage wasn’t allowed to be happened. In my parents’ generation, there would not be homosexuals on the street protesting for their rights. But as the time has changed, homosexual now is more acceptable. Lastly, today's world is more stable than ever. The only reason that there would have progresses on the above statements is the world is getting peaceful. Without the war, cooperation between nations can become more frequent. People can also focus more on the way to make lives better, rather than inventing fatal weapons that kill each other. To conclude, we do have a better life than our parents and we shouldn’t take this for granted. Young people can enjoy the merits of the technology and make the world better. In addition, society has become more liberal and harmonious; therefore, we can live a more unrestrained life.
It
is undoubted
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
differences between each generation. Compared to the previous generation, the generation of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have a
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality of life. This is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and a more open-minded and stable society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings great convenience to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has become indispensable. Unlike the former generations, which Internet and electronic devices hadn't flourished
yet
. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought us huge benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and grandparents, it takes a bit more time for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is more open-minded than almost ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In the Feudal society, gay marriage wasn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
be happened
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
generation, there would not be homosexuals on the street protesting for their rights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as the time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, homosexual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is more acceptable.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is more stable than ever. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason that there would have progresses on the above statements is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is getting peaceful. Without the war, cooperation between nations can become more frequent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
also
focus more on the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
,
rather
than inventing fatal weapons that kill each other.

To conclude
, we do have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life than our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
we shouldn’t take this for granted. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy the merits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
In addition
, society has become more liberal and harmonious;
therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more unrestrained life.
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IELTS essay Do we live in a better world than our grandparents?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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