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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? KmrM
It is often believed that childcare is better did by women compared to men. Therefore, women are often told to less focus on their work life because they should focus more on raising their children. Although it is true that women are better at raising children, I disagree that women should not focus on their work life. First of all, all genders are equal and they all can achieve their dreams. This means that women have the same right with men to do what they like and become what they want to be. Women whom are married and became a mother does not mean that they have to stop working and earning money. Single women, wives, mothers, single mothers, are all equal and they all have the same chance to persuade their dreams in the same way as men did. Another significant reason is that women can manage their time to focus on both important things. In other words, worker women does not mean that they can not raise their children as good as women who are not working, and it goes the same way goes to unemployed women which means that not having a job because they are focusing on raising their children does not mean that they can not work as good as worker women. For instance, they have to take care of their child also managing their home stuffs. Therefore, it is not impossible for women to also manage their time for having a job. In conclusion, although women are much more better at raising children compared to men, I believe that women are capable to having a job. Being a mother and taking care of children are not the reason for women to stop achieving their dreams, women can focus on raising child as well as focus on their working life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that childcare is better did
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on their work life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are better at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on their work life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, all genders are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
equal and
they all can achieve their dreams. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the same right with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to do what they like and become what they want to be.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
whom
are married
and became a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working and earning money. Single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, wives, mothers, single mothers, are all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
equal and
they all have the same chance to persuade their dreams
in the same way
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did.

Another significant reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can manage their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
In other words
, worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
that they can not raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are not working, and it goes the same way goes to unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
that not having a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
that they can not work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For instance
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their child
also
managing their home stuffs.
Therefore
, it is not impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
also
manage their time for having a job.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are capable to having a job. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
achieving their dreams,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
child
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on their working life.
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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