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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. v.4

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. v. 4
I do believe that salary is one of the major driving force to select a job, but there are many other important factors that play a vital role. For example: opportunity to learn and grow, social recognition, work-life balance and job satisfaction. As a rational being one would not deny the fact that we work for money to put the food on the table. Some, would not hesitate to leave the job if they are offered better salary, even though it requires 24x7 availability and minimal vacation period to spend with their families and friends. However, to others, to have a work-life balance that would allow them to spend a substantial amount of time with their family is also important. We come across of news every now and then where a top executives resign from their job to run their own companies. Moreover, some jobs provide lesser salaries, but better job satisfaction where one feels that he/she is contributing to the society. For example, elementary school teachers, they help nurture the talent pool of the country from grass root levels that ultimately bring greater good to the society in the form of Doctors, engineers, scientists, artists. They consider their job as responsibility towards the society and it gives them the sense of accomplishment and earns due respect in the society. Some jobs allow better growth opportunities than salaries, young professionals with long term goals and ambitions do prefer jobs where they have ample opportunities to learn and grow at the same time. For them, money is the means but not an end in itself, they invest their time and efforts to become more efficient and valuable asset to the company. In conclusion, apart from exceptional salaries, we choose the jobs that allow you to have work-life balance, provides you growth opportunities, sense of accomplishment, social recognition.
I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is one of the major driving force to select a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that play a vital role.
For example
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to learn and grow, social recognition, work-life balance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

As a rational being one would not deny the fact that we work for money to put the food on the table.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
, would not hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they
are offered
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
even though
it requires
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24x7
availability and minimal vacation period to spend with their families and friends.
However
, to others, to have a work-life balance that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to spend a substantial amount of time with their family is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across of news every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then where a top
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "executive"?
executives
resign from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
provide lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction where one feels that he/she is contributing to the society.
For example
, elementary school teachers, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nurture the talent pool of the country from grass root levels that
ultimately
bring greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the society in the form of Doctors, engineers, scientists, artists. They consider their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as responsibility towards the society and it gives them the sense of accomplishment and earns due respect in the society.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
better growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, young professionals with long term goals and ambitions do prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
where they have ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to learn and grow at the same time. For them, money is the means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in itself, they invest their time and efforts to become more efficient and valuable asset to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, apart from exceptional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, we choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to have work-life balance, provides you growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, sense of accomplishment, social recognition.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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