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With the rise of streaming services

With the rise of streaming services YB68Q
With the rise of streaming services and the prevalence of video games, contemporary children spend a significant amount of time on screens and less time engaging in physical activity. Although I agree that physical activity is vital, I do not think it and screen time are mutually exclusive; I therefore disagree that we need to eradicate screens fully to keep our children healthy. In this essay, I will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points. On the one hand, screen time can lead to an overall decline in physical health. When children pass hours frozen, watching a video, they harm their bodies and their minds. For example, doctors agree that children who spend more than the average amount of time on screens per day without moving are more likely to be obese than children who spend below average time watching screens. Therefore, minimizing static screen time is indeed a worthy goal. However, this does not mean that the only way to do this is by getting rid of screens. Recently, programmers have developed a variety of applications that encourage children to move. By training them to dance, perform martial arts, or do calisthenics, these screen-based activities actually encourage movement. In fact, it has been noted that, on average, using such applications burn more calories per day than a game of kickball. Encouraging children to use their screen time on such applications would therefore give them the best of both worlds. To sum up, although a sedentary lifestyle has clear dangers, screen use is not necessarily an indication that children will burden our health system; by using screens to promote, rather than replace, physical activity, we can prevent widespread health issues due to lack of movement. To this end, parents should consider encouraging children to use movement-based apps.
With the rise of streaming services and the prevalence of video games, contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is vital, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are
mutually
exclusive; I
therefore
disagree that we need to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
fully
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
healthy. In this essay, I will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can lead to an
overall
decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pass hours frozen, watching a video, they harm their bodies and their minds.
For example
, doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend more than the average amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
per day without moving are more likely to be obese than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend below average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
.
Therefore
, minimizing static
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
indeed
a worthy goal.

However
, this does not mean that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to do this is by getting rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
. Recently, programmers have developed a variety of applications that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. By training them to dance, perform martial arts, or do calisthenics, these screen-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
actually encourage movement. In fact, it has
been noted
that, on average, using such applications burn more calories per day than a game of kickball. Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on such applications would
therefore
give them the best of both worlds.

To sum up, although a sedentary lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is not
necessarily
an indication that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will burden our health system; by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
to promote,
rather
than replace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
widespread health issues due to lack of movement. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, parents should consider encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
movement-based apps.
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IELTS essay With the rise of streaming services

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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