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With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 4
The current population figures of the world are quite worried some. The ever increasing birth rate of humans has put a lot of stress on the resources available in this world. The increase in population has also increased the demand for vehicles which in turn has made a global surge in the demand for oil and gas. In this essay, I will discuss about the about the harmful effects of discovering new areas of the world to access more resources such as oil and gas. Firstly, lets discuss about the effects of crude oil extraction from the seas and oceans on the marine life. Many countries in the world like US, Russia and India are the major players when it comes to crude oil extraction. Large equipments are installed in the water to extract oil and this is disturbing the habitat of sea animals. In the recent years, there have been numerous incidents of crude oil leak causing death to millions of fish. To add further, not just these incidents, but only set-up of oil companies in these areas is an attack on the nature and most sea animals are migrating to other areas because of threat to existence. Secondly, the increase in demand of oil and gas has increased the air pollution levels of almost all the countries which are there on the face of the earth. The vehicular emission is one of the primary reasons for the rise in air pollution levels, which is further impacting the nature by increase in temperature caused by ozone layer depletion. The humans face lot of health hazards because of pollution caused by the motor vehicles. For instance, the main reason for people having respiratory issues and skin cancer is the rise of harmful chemicals in the air. To conclude, I feel instead of discovering new areas and putting more pressure on the limited resources available in the world. We should look for innovation in the oil sector and more efforts should be put in the creation natural gas. For example, CNG has been widely used in India now, which is cheap and free from pollution as well. Hence, more such measures need to be taken which could help in saving the environment.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
population figures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are quite worried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
birth rate of humans has put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the resources available in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
increase in population has
also
increased the demand for vehicles which in turn has made a global surge in the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas. In this essay, I will discuss
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "about the".
about the about the
harmful effects of discovering new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to access more resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
effects of crude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
extraction from the seas and oceans on the marine life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
like US, Russia and India are the major players when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to crude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
extraction. Large equipments
are installed
in the water to extract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and this is disturbing the habitat of sea animals. In the recent years, there have been numerous incidents of crude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
leak causing death to millions of fish. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
these incidents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
set-up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is an attack on the nature and most sea animals are migrating to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of threat to existence.

Secondly
, the increase in demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and gas has increased the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
levels of almost all the countries which are there on the face of the earth. The vehicular emission is one of the primary reasons for the rise in air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
levels, which is
further
impacting the nature by increase in temperature caused by ozone layer depletion. The humans face lot of health hazards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
caused by the motor vehicles.
For instance
, the main reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having respiratory issues and skin cancer is the rise of harmful chemicals in the air.

To conclude
, I feel
instead
of discovering new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and putting more pressure on the limited resources available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. We should look for innovation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
sector and more efforts should
be put
in the creation natural gas.
For example
, CNG has been
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
as well
.
Hence
, more such measures need to
be taken
which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in saving the environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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