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With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree? v.2

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 2
Fossil fuel consumption is increasing globally. Therefore, some people feel that excavation of fuel should be permitted in unexplored areas. I don’t support this. In my opinion, our world can’t handle any more pollution and diseases. So, searching for other cleaner sources of power is more vital and crucial. A good reason protect unexplored lands is that the current oil and gas usage increases global warming. In other words, global temperatures are rising gradually due to the excessive use of fossil fuel. As a result, mankind faces the threat of extinction. Moreover, if we do not stop the exploitation of our natural resources, the green areas that form the lungs of our earth will shrink even further. This will also affect our health. In addition to that, diseases will spread more quickly and affect more people because of the emission of poisonous gases and other contaminants from factories. Another point to consider is that undiscovered land should be protected from industrial activities. As we can see, excessive dependence on fossil fuels is causing serious damage to our planet. Developing green power technologies is the only solution to this problem. These technologies can also decrease the negative effects of contaminated vapors and gases produced by the overuse of fossil fuel. For instance, in Germany almost all car factories run on green power. Such technologies maintain better environmental conditions and in the long term they will also prove to be cheaper than conventional sources. This, in turn, will reduce the cost of manufacturing and make goods and products cheaper and more affordable. In conclusion, fossil fuels are useful; however, they also have negative impacts on the environment. Therefore, I am convinced that instead of exploring undiscovered lands for more oil and gas, we should invest in green power technologies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption is increasing globally.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that excavation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
should
be permitted
in unexplored areas. I don’t support this. In my opinion, our world can’t handle any more pollution and diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, searching for other cleaner sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
is more vital and crucial.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason protect unexplored lands is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
oil and gas usage increases global warming.
In other words
, global temperatures are rising
gradually
due to the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
As a result
, mankind faces the threat of extinction.
Moreover
, if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the exploitation of our natural resources, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
areas that form the lungs of our earth will shrink even
further
. This will
also
affect our health.
In addition
to that, diseases will spread more
quickly
and
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the emission of poisonous gases and other contaminants from factories. Another point to consider is that undiscovered land should
be protected
from industrial activities.

As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, excessive dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is causing serious damage to our planet. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to this problem. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can
also
decrease the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of contaminated vapors and gases produced by the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
For instance
, in Germany almost all car factories run on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
maintain better environmental conditions and in the long term they will
also
prove to be cheaper than conventional sources. This, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost of manufacturing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and products cheaper and more affordable.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are useful;
however
, they
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment.
Therefore
, I
am convinced
that
instead
of exploring undiscovered lands for more oil and gas, we should invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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