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With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? 9Ll7p
The advancement of technology nowadays in healthcare could be a great way to extend the life span of senile people. I believe that society can cope with the vast increase of elderly people today by cooperating within the communities, non-government organization volunteers. To begin with, It is natural for each individual to increase their age every year, so eventually, we will be ended up like them. Society and the government have been a great help to provide for the needs of those elderly people. Moreover, there is a number of ways on how to manage these issues. Firstly, the government should increase the yearly budget for senior citizens by providing this, society can be built infrastructures such as additional hospitals with free of charge in all services including laboratories fee, radiology, as well as doctors fee, and because of that elder people no need to worry about the finances for their health Secondly, they can also be built homecare facilities and hire a bunch of nurses and caregivers so that they can take care of, properly by feeding them, grooming and bathing also giving medication when needed. Moreover, Society can help by volunteering in the community. One great example, In the Philippines, several non-profit organization with various professional healthcare volunteers such as doctors, nurses, psychiatrist are visiting home cares every week to give free consultation to our senior citizens as well as common people who give fun and enjoyment by giving them gifts and leisure activities that they can enjoy. In conclusion, society can be managed to take care of their senile people with the help of the government and non-profit organizations. Nonetheless, they should cooperate with each other so that these seniors can feel that they are loved and respect until their last breath.
The advancement of technology nowadays in healthcare could be a great way to extend the life span of senile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can cope with the vast increase of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
by cooperating within the communities, non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organization volunteers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It is natural for each individual to increase their age every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eventually
, we will
be ended
up like them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have been a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to provide for the needs of those elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, there is a number of ways on how to manage these issues.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the yearly budget for senior citizens by providing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can
be built
infrastructures such as additional hospitals with free of charge in all services including laboratories fee, radiology,
as well
as doctors fee, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no need to worry about the finances for their health
Secondly
, they can
also
be built
Possible spelling mistake found.
homecare
facilities and hire a bunch of nurses and caregivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can take care of,
properly
by feeding them, grooming and bathing
also
giving medication when needed.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by volunteering in the community. One great example, In the Philippines, several non-profit organization with various professional healthcare volunteers such as doctors, nurses, psychiatrist are visiting home cares every week to give free consultation to our senior citizens
as well
as common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who give fun and enjoyment by giving them gifts and leisure activities that they can enjoy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can
be managed
to take care of their senile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and non-profit organizations. Nonetheless, they should cooperate with each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these seniors can feel that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and respect until their last breath.
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IELTS essay With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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