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With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? 71Oy
It has been observed that in recent times is advancement in health care, so the community has to take more responsibility for older people. If questioned, I believe that society would capable to care elderly with this advancement; whereas, it could be managed by taking multiple steps. Both, my opinion as well as solution explained in the ensuing paragraphs. The foremost argument to support my inclination is Morden technology is able to coup with a large number of golden-agers. In other words, the latest equipment is capable to manage more patients at one time. For instance, the US made a new ventilator and it has a capacity for 5 patients to take treatment same time. So that, the latest machines would able to give treatment larger number of a senior citizen. In addition, these days more number of health care available in nations. To illustrate, the huge number of staff work in a multi-specialty hospital and they have lots of knowledge. Therefore, they will easily manage the treatment of older people. Discussing the measures, the main solution is government should take responsibility for senior citizens. By this I mean, the government takes tax from people, so they have a duty to provide health care facilities for older people. For example, the Canadian government gives free treatment to all aged people by making hospitals. Apart from that, people also take responsibility for this issue by doing volunteering work in NGOs and old houses; thus, it beneficial for higher authorities when people start to do help. To conclude, the latest instrument can treat aged people by giving treatment. And also, the government, as well as people, work to gather so this problem can become easy; however, I believe the center should provide these facilities.
It has
been observed
that in recent times is advancement in health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take more responsibility for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If questioned, I believe that society would capable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
elderly with this advancement; whereas, it could
be managed
by taking multiple steps. Both, my opinion
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the ensuing paragraphs.

The foremost argument to support my inclination is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morden
technology is able to coup with a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
golden-agers
.
In other words
, the latest equipment is capable to manage more patients at one time.
For instance
, the US made a new ventilator and it has a capacity for 5 patients to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, the latest machines
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of a senior citizen.
In addition
, these days more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
available in nations. To illustrate, the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of staff work in a multi-specialty
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hospital and
they have lots of knowledge.
Therefore
, they will
easily
manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Discussing the measures, the main solution is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility for senior citizens. By this I mean, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes tax from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have a duty to provide health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, the Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
to all aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by making hospitals. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
take responsibility for this issue by doing volunteering work in NGOs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
;
thus
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
beneficial for higher authorities when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

To conclude
, the latest instrument can treat aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. And
also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, work to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this problem can become easy;
however
, I believe the center should provide these facilities.
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IELTS essay With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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