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Do you agree or disagree with the following. Attending a live performance for ex. A play ,concert and watching sporting events is more enjoyable than watching it on TV.

with the following. Attending a live performance for ex. A play, concert and watching sporting events is more enjoyable than watching it on TV. Dl5ma
Entertainment is one of the best way to alleviate their all tensions and worries. Some people think that a live performance is more enjoyable while other performance on tv. I think joining the live activities are more energetic instead watching on tv. To begin with, the no. of reasons behind this why I prefer live concert. First and foremost, we create moments experience and participating in live performance could be more effective and enjoyable. For instance, people can take photos with their friends and family which would be a amazing album to remind the delightful moments. Secondly, people can meet different people and find new friends with them who are similar interest. It not only enhance their social circle but also it helps to improve their communication skills. Apart from this, the live concert more interesting than watching it on tv because due to this people can enjoy the live moments of their favourite artist and they will get an opportunity to meet him or her. On the other hand, some people prefer to watch tv at home like favourite sports match. It give a chance to relaxe and spend their precious time with their loving one's. Also they enjoy the gossips with each other To conclude, I think the live performance give a more adventages and opportunities than watching on tv.
Entertainment is one of the best way to alleviate their all tensions and worries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
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think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
is more enjoyable while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
joining the
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live
activities are more energetic
instead
watching on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. To
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begin
with, the no. of reasons behind this why I prefer
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live
concert.
First
and foremost, we create moments experience and participating in
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live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
could be more effective and enjoyable.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take photos with their friends and family which would be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
amazing album to remind the delightful moments.
Secondly
,
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
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different
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people
and find new friends with them who are similar interest. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their social circle
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but
also
it
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helps
to
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improve
their communication
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skills
. Apart from this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
concert more interesting than watching it on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
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because
due to this
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people
can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
moments of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
artist and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him or her.
On the other hand
,
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some
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people
prefer to
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watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
at home like
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports match. It
Did you mean "gives"?
give
a chance to
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relaxe
and spend their precious time with their loving one's.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they enjoy the gossips with each other
To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
give a more
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventages
and opportunities than watching on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
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IELTS essay with the following. Attending a live performance for ex. A play, concert and watching sporting events is more enjoyable than watching it on TV.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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