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In nearly all science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers? v.1

In nearly all science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers? v. 1
In the recent era, numerous people opt for science courses at higher level, because of its potential and better job prospects. However, it has been seen that the science stream is mostly dominated by the men as compared to the women. In this, I will discuss the reasons and corrective actions to maintain a proper balance. First of all, the majority of female students want to study subjects related to fashion, arts and history, as these courses are very easy to comprehend as compared to science subjects, which are quite complex. Secondly, less number of study hours are required to pass the exams and get a university degree in comparison to physics and chemistry. Furthermore, females are more tempted towards glamorous world, they want to become like supermodels which is also one of the reasons for the decline in the number of girl students choosing science subjects. For Instance, in a recent survey in India, it has been observed that the majority of girl students after their graduation are opting for courses related to journalism and fashion industry There are many ways by which female students can be encouraged towards subjects like mathematics, physics and chemistry. Government should run some awareness programmes to educate girls about the role of science in our daily life and how they can be more successful in their with the application of science. They should propel them towards science by citing example of Madam Querie who invented Radium so that get inspiration To conclude, the women plays an imperative role in the development of the society and should be encouraged towards technology courses to maintain a proper ratio of male and female students by letting them know the vast amount of benefits associated with this field.
In the recent era, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
at higher level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its potential and better job prospects.
However
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
stream is
mostly
dominated by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
as compared to the women. In this, I will discuss the reasons and corrective actions to maintain a proper balance.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to fashion, arts and history, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to comprehend as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which are quite complex.
Secondly
, less number of study hours
are required
to pass the exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a university degree
in comparison
to physics and chemistry.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are more tempted towards glamorous world, they want to become like supermodels which is
also
one of the reasons for the decline in the number of girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For Instance
, in a recent survey in India, it has
been observed
that the majority of girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after their graduation are opting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
related to journalism and fashion
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
industry


There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be encouraged
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics, physics and chemistry.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to educate girls about the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in our daily life and how they can be more successful in their with the application of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. They should propel them towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
by citing example of Madam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Querie
who invented Radium
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
inspiration


To conclude
, the women plays an imperative role in the development of the society and should
be encouraged
towards technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to maintain a proper ratio of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by letting them know the vast amount of benefits associated with this field.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In nearly all science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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