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Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents' fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents' fault; others say that schools are to blame. v. 1
Behavioural patterns have declined generally, and it is worst among many young people at all levels, while this problem is attributed to the families where they come from, a lot more people blame this trend on the teachers and institutes of learning. This essay aims at reviewing the both parties as contributing factors, although it is most associated with the homes that breeds them. First and foremost, the home plays a major role to the character moulding among the already mentioned sets of individuals. That saying that charity begins at home clearly demonstrates this fact. For instance, a child's overall personality comes from the practical examples the observe from home, which moulds his or her total perception in regards to what is right or wrong. Additionally, a child references his or her father and mother more than a mere teacher whose disciplinary measure may be limited by the law and policy of the school. If this is so, the family stands a better chance to instill discipline better than any external body. These points presented, proving that families are at better advantage, and the failure in the moral standards beckons on the people more related to the people concerned. On the other hand, the place of learning ought not to be left out. This is because checks on the lapses of these derailing children is supposed to be corrected as a correctional institution. To exemplify, moral instructions are part of the school's curriculum which is supposed to double check the doings of their pupils to reshaping their behaviour. Again, life virtues such as love, obedience, respect and manners are part of the academic subjects. To trace back, during my social studies class in my elementary education, I was taught the duties of children to the family and society. When those facts were taught, it sunk deep and had remained a core system. To sum up, even though the both institutions play a major role, the family has a larger share of the blame. Nonetheless, all hands should be on deck to raise a better generation.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Behavioural' is British English.
Behavioural
patterns have declined
generally
, and it is worst among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at all levels, while this problem
is attributed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from, a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
blame this trend on the teachers and institutes of learning. This essay aims at reviewing the both parties as contributing factors, although it is most associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
that breeds them.

First
and foremost, the home plays a major role to the character
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
among the already mentioned sets of individuals. That saying that charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
at home
clearly
demonstrates this fact.
For instance
, a child's
overall
personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the practical examples
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'observe' is correct. If 'observe' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the observe
from home, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulds' is British English.
moulds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
total perception
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Additionally
, a child references
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
father and mother more than a mere teacher whose disciplinary measure may
be limited
by the law and policy of the school. If this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
stands a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to instill discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than any external body. These points presented, proving that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
advantage, and the failure in the moral standards beckons on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concerned.

On the other hand
, the place of learning ought not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
on the lapses of these derailing children
is supposed
to
be corrected
as a correctional institution. To exemplify, moral instructions are part of the school's curriculum which
is supposed
to double
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the doings of their pupils to reshaping their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Again, life virtues such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, obedience, respect and manners are part of the academic subjects. To trace back, during my social studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in my elementary education, I
was taught
the duties of children to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society. When those facts
were taught
, it sunk deep and had remained a core system.

To sum up,
even though
the both institutions play a major role, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has a larger share of the blame. Nonetheless, all hands should be on deck to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
generation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents' fault; others say that schools are to blame. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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