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With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved?

With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved? X6Y8
Some people hold the common belief that the traditional way of life can be lost because of the evolution of modern culture. In this essay, I will discuss about value of traditional lifestyle and how to maintain those traditions. On the one hand, traditional lifestyle plays a significant role in today’s society. The first point is that traditional lifestyles are the product of cumulative experience over time from old generation, which helps us avoid unnecessary mistakes and time-saving. Moreover, those things go through trial and error, which finally get the right things. However, there are many outdated traditions, which is no suitable with modern society and it is in need of replacement. Furthermore, because of technological and societal advancements, many jobs have been replaced by robots or AI, which saves the time and human strength. On the other hand, people should maintain good traditions values by many ways. Nowadays, young generation are immersed in technology, so the children do not spend time to concerned to with historical values. Therefore, each family should celebrate a family bonding time, which adults have time to impact experience for young citizens. Besides, government should organize traditional festival and cultural activities to improve traditional knowledge of young people. To be more specific, media companies should show many program about cultural, traditional and historical on televisions or social media, which is close to the children. In conclusion, although some traditional need to be changed, good historical valued should still be preserved and spread to young generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the common belief that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
way of life can
be lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the evolution of modern culture. In this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss value"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
lifestyle and how to maintain those traditions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
lifestyle plays a significant role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society. The
first
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
lifestyles are the product of cumulative experience over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us avoid unnecessary mistakes and time-saving.
Moreover
, those things go through trial and error, which
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the right things.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
outdated traditions, which is no suitable with modern society and it is in need of replacement.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological and societal advancements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs have
been replaced
by robots or AI, which saves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and human strength.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
traditions values by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
are immersed
in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the children do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to concerned to with historical values.
Therefore
, each family should celebrate a family bonding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which adults have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to impact experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
festival and cultural activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To be more specific, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Possible agreement error. The noun program seems to be countable; consider using: "many programs".
many program
about cultural,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and historical on televisions or social media, which is close to the children.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
historical valued should
still
be preserved
and spread to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
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IELTS essay With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life. Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life? How can this be achieved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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