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With the development of modern society is the less of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v.2

With the development of modern society is the less of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 2
Recently, the more progressed society people live in, the more modern ways they learn. Although modern methods of life usually have benefits and be easier than traditional one, traditional ways have its advantages still. It is imperative to keep them alive in some ways. This essay will put forth some reasons to show why it is significant to save our traditional ways and coming up with some ways to maintain it. First and foremost reason is although modern way become popular, those ways sometimes not only do not have advantages but also have numerous disadvantages. Thus some of them should be abandoned. To exemplify, people prefer to eat fast-foods which have tremendously harms for people’s healthy, but in the past people were used to eat organic and natural foods. Secondly, histories and cultures have been made by tradition things. So if they forget their traditional things, in fact they are destroying their cultures or do not making history for next generation. Thirdly, usually traditional ways of life based on somewhat which lead to make pleasure in people’s life. However, modern ways based on being easier or sooner. For example some works in the past needed cooperation, and it made intimacy between people, but now that works done by one person who operates one device. Before arrive in conclusion there are some methods to save traditional ways of life which has been in following: In the one hand, in charges and parents should learn them to new generation. For instant by teaching children in schools. On the other hand, government should reveal disadvantages of some new ways of life, and advantages of old one, by advertising them. For example, broadcasting advertisements or street billboards. In conclusion, in my opinion, usually any traditional things have absorbing simplicity, which have been pretty. keeping these ways or things is one of the most important people’s duties, because in charges usually do not have enough time to be involved in this kind of issues.
Recently, the more progressed society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
they learn. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
have benefits and be easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
have its advantages
still
. It is imperative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them alive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. This essay will put forth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why it is significant to save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
and coming up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to maintain it.

First
and foremost reason is although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
become popular, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do not have advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have numerous disadvantages.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them should
be abandoned
. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-foods which have
tremendously
harms for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat organic and natural foods.

Secondly
, histories and cultures have
been made
by tradition things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if they forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
things, in fact they are destroying their cultures or do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "make"?
making
history for
next
generation.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
based on somewhat which lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pleasure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
based on being easier or sooner.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works in the past needed cooperation, and it made intimacy between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that works done by one person who operates one device.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
arrive
in conclusion
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which has been in following:

In the one hand, in charges and parents should learn them to new generation. For instant by teaching children in schools.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should reveal disadvantages of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and advantages of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one, by advertising them.
For example
, broadcasting advertisements or street billboards.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
things have absorbing simplicity, which have been pretty.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
keeping
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
or things is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
duties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in charges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
be involved
in this kind of issues.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay With the development of modern society is the less of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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