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With the contagious virus, passengers/travellers need to have a health assessment screening required by the travel agencies or public officers, and those sick people should refuse to travel by train and planes. Do you agree or disagree?

With the contagious virus, passengers/travellers need to have a health assessment screening required by the travel agencies or public officers, and those sick people should refuse to travel by train and planes. BYn7a
I often heard in the media about the assessment screening prerequisite of travel agencies or public health before travelling and those who have medical problems that are not allowed to travel in public transportation. I strongly agree with this opinion. I assume it is for the greater good of every individual. First of all, I firmly believe that everyone can spread the said endemic. Even healthy-looking individuals may have the disease, and they are called asymptomatic. They may spread the disease unconsciously because we can't determine if they have the disease at all. It won't show any symptoms, especially when these individuals are not correctly assessed and screened before any travel. When they reach their destination, they can transmit the bacteria without any cause. Those with underlying conditions might not be allowed to travel in public transportations, which they might have associated with infected people that contribute to them acquiring the said virus. For example, Countries that have not correctly implemented these policies have the most cases and the most deaths. It eradicates rapidly in these countries. Many lives are already in danger because they are not meticulously assessed or contain the individuals who acquired or are at risk of the virus. That is why we need to realize the importance of this provision. Secondly, doing the right thing for the benefit of everybody by complying with the assessment of everyone who will have to travel and those who have underlying conditions are not allowed to travel in public transportation must travel in a private vehicle if they really need to go. For instance, third world countries contained the pandemic. Their cases didn't increase because they managed it correctly by properly screening domestic and international trips, either public or private transportation. They have their way of adequately assessing those individuals' risk of obtaining the virus. Thus the advantage of this requirement will ensure the safety of every individual's well-being. To conclude, I firmly believe that this mandated policy is essential for health and safety from this lethal illness.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard in the media about the assessment screening prerequisite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
agencies or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
travelling and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have medical problems that are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
assume it is for the greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of every individual.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
firmly
believe that everyone can spread the said endemic. Even healthy-looking individuals may have the disease, and they
are called
asymptomatic. They may spread the disease
unconsciously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can't determine if they have the disease at all. It won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any symptoms,
especially
when these individuals are not
correctly
assessed and screened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. When they reach their destination, they can transmit the bacteria without any cause. Those with underlying conditions might not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
, which they might have associated with infected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that contribute to them acquiring the said virus.
For example
, Countries that have not
correctly
implemented these policies have the most cases and the most deaths. It eradicates
rapidly
in these countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are already in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
meticulously
assessed or contain the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
acquired or are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the virus.
That is
why we need to realize the importance of this provision.

Secondly
, doing the right thing for the benefit of everybody by complying with the assessment of everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have underlying conditions are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in a private vehicle if they
really
need to go.
For instance
, third world countries contained the pandemic. Their cases didn't increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they managed it
correctly
by
properly
screening domestic and international trips, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
or private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. They have their way of
adequately
assessing those individuals'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obtaining the virus.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the advantage of this requirement will ensure the safety of every individual's well-being.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that this mandated policy is essential for health and safety from this lethal illness.
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IELTS essay With the contagious virus, passengers/travellers need to have a health assessment screening required by the travel agencies or public officers, and those sick people should refuse to travel by train and planes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • With the contagious virus, passengers/travellers need to have a health assessment screening required by the travel agencies or public officers, and those sick people should refuse to travel by train and planes. Do you agree or disagree?