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kids and parents family time

kids and parents family time OlaEd
There is no doubt these days many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work, while other people say the children in these families benefit from the extra income, and others feel they lack because of their parents absence. The question is, are the both parntes have to go to work? Are their kids feel lack? In this essay I am going to discuss both qustions and I am going to give my opinion. In terms of todays' compeitive world and econome inflation both of the parents have to go to work to cover all living fees and their children school fees and living fees. on the other hand parents must balance between work and family time, so thst their kids do not feel lack for parents' support. Moreover, in my opinion one of the parents must stay home with the children so that kids do not feel depressed or sad because feel lack, and prefer from mother to stay home and speend time with kids, like study for them, cook, play, talk and have fun with them; unlike father must go to work to earn money to cover all living needed like food, drink, clothes, school fees and home rent and have balance between work and family time so him kids feel they have father. In conclusion, parents have to take care of their kids and speend good time with their kids so that kids dont feel lack of parents' support or feel sad and deprssed, and prefer from mother to speend most of the time with her kids and take care. Last but never the laest, father must to take care of work to secure his family live
There is no doubt these days
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many
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families
find it necessary for both
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parents
go out to
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work
, while other
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people
say the children in these
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families
benefit from the extra income,
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and others
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feel
they
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lack
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because
of their
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parents
absence. The question is, are the both
Possible spelling mistake found.
parntes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
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work
? Are their
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kids
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feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
? In this essay I am going to discuss both
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
qustions and
I am going to give my opinion.

In terms of
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todays
'
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compeitive
world and
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econome
inflation both of the
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parents
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have to
go to
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work
to cover all living
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fees
and their children school
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fees
and living
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fees
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
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parents
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must
balance between
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work
and
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family
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time
,
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so
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thst
their
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kids
do not
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feel
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lack
for parents' support.

Moreover
, in my opinion one of the
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parents
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must
stay home with the children
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so
that
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kids
do not
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feel
depressed or sad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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feel
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lack
, and prefer from mother to stay home and
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speend
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time
with
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kids
, like study for them, cook, play, talk and have fun with them; unlike father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn money to cover all living needed like food, drink, clothes, school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and home rent and have balance between
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work
and
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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so
him
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kids
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feel
they have father.

In conclusion
,
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parents
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have to
take care of their
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kids
and
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speend
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good
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time
with their
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kids
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so
that
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kids
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dont
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feel
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lack
of parents' support or
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feel
sad and
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deprssed
, and prefer from mother to
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speend
most of the
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time
with her
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kids
and take care. Last
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but
never the
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laest
, father
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
take care of
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work
to secure his
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family
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
live
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IELTS essay kids and parents family time

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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