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With the changes around the world, although it can not be denied that the development of technology boosts our standards of living

With the changes around the world, although it can not be denied that the development of technology boosts our standards of living WqOxk
With the changes around the world, although it can not be denied that the development of technology boosts our standards of living, citizens have more things to worry about. As a result, people tend to be familiar with various genres of TV programs and films, especially those about illegal activities. There are two main reasons for this phenomenon, together with a couple of implications from this issue. In terms of what can be attributed to the more and more common of following TV shows and series about offense, there is the favour of unique contents on TV, the interest in understanding the society. First of all, the concepts of TV programs or movies about violation are new for the audience. That is to say, it was rare to watch a film of that concept, due to the fact that people believed that crime was not such a good thing to be made for recreation purposes. Moreover, people have no chance to witness or experience crime in real life. As a result, the appearance of criminal TV shows or films create valuable opportunities to be aware of gun, kidnapping, mafia and comprehend how people in all walks of life exist in the world. Furthermore, this phenomenon is a premise that leads to some repercussions on both sides: beneficial and detrimental. On one hand, the more common TV broadcasts and series about illegal activities are, the more skills in avoiding to be offenses’ victims people enrich. For instance, having seen the shows of what the defrauder did to take 500. 000$ from a bank account, people know the trickery and have more safety security for their assets. On the other hand, it continuously has an upward trend of crime rate, which can be inferred from the increase in the popularity of TV programs and films about violation. In other words, there are a numerous number of people who are not able to be aware of the rightness of the problems they have seen on TV, and they embark on a life of crime. Can the development of criminal programs or movies be a permanent trend of watching habits or will other kinds of products dominate them? The answer is still unknown, however, the effects of this phenomenon always exist. Therefore, taking some actions to improve the benefits and address the problems is relatively essential.
With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
around the world, although it can not
be denied
that the development of technology boosts our standards of living, citizens have more things to worry about.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be familiar with various genres of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and films,
especially
those about illegal activities. There are two main reasons for this phenomenon, together with a couple of implications from this issue.

In terms of what can
be attributed
to the more and more common of following TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and series about offense, there is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of unique contents on TV, the interest in understanding the society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the concepts of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
or movies about violation are new for the audience.
That is
to say, it was rare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a film of that concept, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that crime was not such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to
be made
for recreation purposes.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no chance to witness or experience crime in real life.
As a result
, the appearance of criminal TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or films create valuable opportunities to be aware of gun, kidnapping, mafia and comprehend how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all walks of life exist in the world.

Furthermore
, this phenomenon is a premise that leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
repercussions on both sides: beneficial and detrimental. On one hand, the more common TV broadcasts and series about illegal activities are, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
The verb 'avoiding' is used with the gerund form: "avoiding being".
avoiding to be
offenses’ victims
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enrich.
For instance
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
of what the defrauder did to take 500.
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$000".
000$
from a bank account,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know the trickery and have more safety security for their assets.
On the other hand
, it
continuously
has an upward trend of crime rate, which can
be inferred
from the increase in the popularity of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and films about violation.
In other words
, there are a numerous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not able to be aware of the rightness of the problems they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on TV, and they embark on a life of crime.

Can the development of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
or movies be a permanent trend of watching habits or will other kinds of products dominate them? The answer is
still
unknown,
however
, the effects of this phenomenon always exist.
Therefore
, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the benefits and address the problems is
relatively
essential.
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IELTS essay With the changes around the world, although it can not be denied that the development of technology boosts our standards of living

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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