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economic crisis in indonesia

economic crisis in indonesia DYXQj
An economic crisis is known as a situation in which a country’s economy degenerates significantly. The economic crisis is one of the most feared events in history because the government and society will both suffer losses at the same time. This happened in my country, Indonesia, Indonesia is one of the largest countries in Southeast Asia, both in terms of land area and people. As a result, income distribution has become dramatically more unequal. In Indonesia, there were several major leads to income inequality, for instance; unequal job opportunities, high wealth concentration, Inequality of education, etc. Firstly, the wealth inequality between those working in the private and public sectors has long been a source of major worry in Indonesia, and it has recently become particularly noticeable. The disparity is so large that we can easily find it in our daily lives. It is no secret that public officers’ monthly wages can only support them for one or two weeks, so they must be creative? To survive the remaining weeks. As a result, there is a substantial income gap that could trigger corruption, since it creates corruption market in which illegal fund flows from high-income sector to the low-income sector in exchange of service delivery. In other words, the corruption market exists since there is supply and demand, in which the public officers become corruption providers while the other sector becomes the buyer. In this monopolistic market, a seller could charge the buyer a very high rate since buyers have no other option. Consequently, the impact of corruption on the economy could be enormous. Besides, there is also inequality of education case in my country. The Indonesian government is working to increase all citizens' access and quality of education. Even though its efforts had a visible impact, many of the goals for improving access to and quality of education have yet to be met, and educational inequality remains. For example, most schools in Indonesia's big cities, including Jakarta, Bandung, Surabaya, Medan, Makassar, and others, have excellent infrastructure and high-quality teachers, as well as no leaks in the classrooms and easy internet access, providing children with more opportunities to learn. Children in Indonesia's big cities don't have to work to help their parents get money, which allows them to spend more time learning and playing with their classmates. Some Indonesian rural schools and islands, like in Papua, on the other hand, have poor facilities and instructor quality, as well as leaks in classrooms, poor building quality, and challenging internet connectivity. Students in remote areas will find it more difficult to acquire new knowledge, especially in this epidemic condition. Moreover, today, Indonesia's four wealthiest men - The Hartono brothers, lead by Budi and Michael Hartono, still possess $25 billion in assets, approximately equaling the wealth of the poorest 40% of Indonesia's 250 million people. The Hartono's, who run a clove cigarette company, could generate enough interest on their inheritance in a year to end extreme poverty in Indonesia. Inequality weakens the battle against poverty, slows economic progress, and puts social harmony at risk. What does this mean for the average citizen? Low earnings and job uncertainty are common among the poorest populations. Rural and urban areas have different levels of access to infrastructures such as power and good roads. Big corporations and wealthy individuals hold the vast bulk of the land, and they reap all of the benefits. Similarly, the educational system is underfunded, and fair access is still a challenge. In conclusion, an economic crisis is not a small problem that can be easily solved. Due to the huge population and a lot of rural areas in Indonesia, we should draw attention to local governments. Their roles are now crucial to ensure funds and programs are handled optimally to boost economic growth and job creation in rural areas. On the other hand, society must also obey government rules and have a growth mindset, try to be as creative as possible to achieve new skills, then apply them in something useful that might be as a source of income. Therefore, soon or later, Indonesia will be a prosperous country.
An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis
is known
as a situation in which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy degenerates
significantly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis is one of the most feared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and society will both suffer losses at the same time. This happened in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Indonesia, Indonesia is one of the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Southeast Asia, both in terms of land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
distribution has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
dramatically
more unequal. In Indonesia, there were several major leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
,
for instance
; unequal job opportunities, high wealth concentration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Inequality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, etc.

Firstly
, the wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
between those working in the private and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
has long been a source of major worry in Indonesia, and it has recently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
particularly
noticeable. The disparity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
large that we can
easily
find it in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is no secret that public officers’ monthly wages can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support them for one or two weeks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be creative? To survive the remaining weeks.
As a result
, there is a substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
gap that could trigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
, since it creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
market in which illegal fund flows from high-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
to the low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
service delivery. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
market exists since there is supply and demand, in which the public officers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
providers while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
the buyer. In this monopolistic market, a seller could charge the buyer a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high rate since buyers have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option.
Consequently
, the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
on the economy could be enormous.

Besides
, there is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
case in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is working to increase all citizens'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Even though
its efforts had a visible impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the goals for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have
yet
to
be met
, and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
remains.
For example
, most schools in Indonesia's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, including Jakarta, Bandung, Surabaya, Medan,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Makassar
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, have excellent infrastructure and high-quality teachers,
as well
as no leaks in the classrooms and easy internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
, providing children with more opportunities to learn. Children in Indonesia's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to spend more time learning and playing with their classmates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
schools and islands, like in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Papua
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, have poor facilities and instructor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
,
as well
as leaks in classrooms, poor building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
, and challenging internet connectivity. Students in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will find it more difficult to acquire new knowledge,
especially
in this epidemic condition.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, Indonesia's four wealthiest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hartono
brothers, lead by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Budi
and Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hartono
,
still
possess $25 billion in assets, approximately equaling the wealth of the poorest 40% of Indonesia's 250 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hartono
's, who run a clove cigarette
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, could generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
interest on their inheritance in a year to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
extreme poverty in Indonesia.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Inequality
weakens the battle against poverty, slows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress, and puts social harmony at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. What does this mean for the average citizen? Low earnings and job uncertainty are common among the poorest populations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to infrastructures such as power and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
roads.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
corporations and wealthy individuals hold the vast bulk of the land, and they reap
Consider using "all the".
all of the
benefits.
Similarly
, the educational system
is underfunded
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
is
still
a challenge.

In conclusion
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
problem that can be
easily
solved. Due to the huge population and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in Indonesia, we should draw attention to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Their roles are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
crucial to ensure funds and programs
are handled
optimally
to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth and job creation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and have a growth mindset, try to be as creative as possible to achieve new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, then apply them in something useful that might be as a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
or later, Indonesia will be a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay economic crisis in indonesia

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
686 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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