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Minimizing television watching

Minimizing television watching aQkPo
Television watching should be minimized to a certain extent if we want to live a more meaningful and happier life. Firstly, television watching can be addictive to a great extent for every age group. which indirectly impact their life. Secondly, people starts imagining reel situations and overacts on real life situations. In addition to that people spends most of their time watching television rather then enjoying their life, doing physical activities and spending their time with the loved ones. Furthermore, this also impacts their state of mind and thinking ability, which deviates them from living a meaningful and happier life.
Television watching should
be minimized
to a certain extent if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more meaningful and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, television watching can be addictive to a great extent for every age group.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
indirectly
impact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
starts
imagining reel situations and overacts on real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situations.
In addition
to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
spends
most of their time watching television
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, doing physical activities and spending their time with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Furthermore
, this
also
impacts their state of mind and thinking ability, which deviates them from living a meaningful and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Minimizing television watching

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
100 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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