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With pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people belive that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that the children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people belive that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that the children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. jlLw
It is argued that school children are under tremendous pressure to perform well in academics, some believe that subjects like physical education and cookery should not be included in curriculum, as this helps children to concentrate more on their academics. I completely disagree with the statement because students get to learn better skills in co-curricular activities and this helps them to stay fit and healthy. Firstly, young children always are inquisitive to learn new skills and energetic to perform physical activities. This extra curricular subjects teaches children to develop it. Additionaly, it is said that younger children have a good cognitive power to learn new things that would allow them to be more focused on work they perform and eases them to wisely take decisions. For example, learning how to cook in younger ages would help children to disclose their talents, and this gives an oppurtunity to choose their desired profession in future if they are really good at it. Secondly, developing physical fitness is an essential part for the well-being of the child, which is conducive to developing confidence and social skills in them. However, most of the children these days are doing less activities. In fact, even parents nowadays do not really find time to look after their child's health. For instance, studies show that children are becoming obese at younger age due to lack of exercise and having sedentary lifestyle. I, therefore, believe it is mandatory to provide physical education course for all the children in schools, which might help children to be more healthier. In conclusion, although academic subjects are equally important, I think, having taught extra curricular subjects will eventually keep children mind focused and learn better life skills.
It
is argued
that school
children
are under tremendous pressure to perform well in academics,
some
believe that
subjects
like
physical
education and cookery should not
be included
in curriculum, as this
helps
children
to concentrate more on their academics. I completely disagree with the statement
because
students
get
to
learn
better
skills
in co-curricular activities and this
helps
them to stay fit and healthy.

Firstly
, young
children
always are
inquisitive to
learn
new
skills
and energetic to perform
physical
activities. This
extra curricular
subjects
teaches
children
to develop it.
Additionaly
, it
is said
that younger
children
have a
good
cognitive power to
learn
new things that would
allow
them to be more focused on work they perform and
eases
them to
wisely
take decisions.
For example
, learning how to cook in younger ages would
help
children
to disclose their talents, and this gives an
oppurtunity
to choose their desired profession in future if they are
really
good
at it.

Secondly
, developing
physical
fitness is an essential part for the well-being of the child, which is conducive to developing confidence and social
skills
in them.
However
, most of the
children
these days are doing
less
activities. In fact, even parents nowadays do not
really
find time to look after their child's health.
For instance
, studies
show
that
children
are becoming obese at younger age due to lack of exercise and having sedentary lifestyle. I,
therefore
, believe it is mandatory to provide
physical
education course for all the
children
in schools, which might
help
children
to be
more healthier
.

In conclusion
, although academic
subjects
are
equally
important
, I
think
, having taught
extra curricular
subjects
will
eventually
keep
children
mind focused and
learn
better life
skills
.
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IELTS essay With pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people belive that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that the children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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