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With all the problems in the world today spending money on space exploration is a complete waste The money could be better spent on other causes v.1

With all the problems in the world today spending money on space exploration is a complete waste The money could be better spent on other causes v. 1
The role of educating people about their health in a community cannot be overemphasized as it is an eye opener to the inhabitants. I agree that health education plays a vital part in the society because it will help the masses to be conscious of their personal hygiene and enlighten intending couples to be aware of their genotype compatibility. Firstly, villagers who are well educated about the state of their health and wellbeing will be more concerned about their hygiene and a neat environment. Most times, these people are not knowledgeable about taking proper care of their bodies because of poor awareness. Furthermore, it will drastically reduce the rate at which people fall sick due to inadequate personal care of themselves. To illustrate this point, the people in a Kano village in Niger state, Nigeria have put their hygiene into cognizance after some medical practitioners enlightened them about their health. As a result, they less visited the hospital. Therefore, when the public is properly educated about their health, they care more about their bodies and health. Another point to consider is that couples who are about to get married are informed properly about their genotype compatibility and the steps to take. Sometimes, most couples blindly get married without knowing the state of their partner's genotype. This has birthed a lot of sickle cell children in the society due to lack of information. Consequently, it has created a ripple effect as some of these spouses end up divorcing. Nevertheless, when they are properly informed about it, they can be guided. For instance, the statistics of sickle cell patients in 2013 reduced by eighty five percent in Nigeria because of proper guidance by medical professionals for intending couples. When they are enlightened about their health, it will assist in reducing some medical risks by the spouses who are about to tie the nuptial knot. In conclusion, I agree that health education is very beneficial to the public because it will develop a healthy living lifestyle and assist couples who are about to get married in taking some favourable decisions as regards their genotype.
The role of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in a community cannot
be overemphasized
as it is an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
eye opener
to the inhabitants. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education plays a vital part in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the masses to be conscious of their personal hygiene and enlighten intending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
to be aware of their genotype compatibility.

Firstly
, villagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
about the state of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
will be more concerned about their hygiene and a neat environment. Most times, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not knowledgeable about taking proper care of their bodies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor awareness.
Furthermore
, it will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fall sick due to inadequate personal care of themselves. To illustrate this point, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a Kano village in Niger state, Nigeria have put their hygiene into cognizance after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical practitioners enlightened them about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
As a result
, they less visited the hospital.
Therefore
, when the public is
properly
educated about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they care more about their bodies and health.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
are informed
properly
about their genotype compatibility and the steps to take.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
blindly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married without knowing the state of their partner's genotype. This has birthed
Possible agreement error. The noun sickle seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of sickles".
a lot of sickle
cell children in the society due to lack of information.
Consequently
, it has created a ripple effect as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these spouses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up divorcing.
Nevertheless
, when they are
properly
informed about it, they can
be guided
.
For instance
, the statistics of sickle cell patients in 2013
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
eighty five
percent in Nigeria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of proper guidance by medical professionals for intending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
. When they
are enlightened
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it will assist in reducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
by the spouses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are about to tie the nuptial knot.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will develop a healthy living lifestyle and assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
decisions as regards their genotype.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With all the problems in the world today spending money on space exploration is a complete waste The money could be better spent on other causes v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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