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Will online shopping Will overcome the small shops in the city’s do you agree or not

Will online shopping Will overcome the small shops in the city’s do you agree or not 3YroJ
A recent study has throat some light on a pot and in fact we choose that online shopping has immensely increased over 10 years and still has a higher growth in the market. Rise in technology has altered the way of living in many ways and online shopping is on the top list. For instance for finding a particular necessity you do not have to hover around city instead now you can find it on your fingertips. Moreover online shopping provides you worried amount of brand numerous discount shipping in every area and many more things just sitting at your home and beside all the mentioned advantages the prime think that it makes more convenient is you do not have to go out for anything instead it will come at your doorsteps. Although online shopping has become so efficient but it has its drawbacks too. Firstly this digitalisation requires plenty of time which makes people isolated from their real-world as one would give more time finding things on phone then to their family and friends. Secondly it would make human lazy consequently effecting their health. Furthermore talking about disappearance of small shops and malls and city due to the rise in online shopping is not possible because during the emergency they are the real acid we can totally rely on Shi nevertheless viewing things in person or still more preferred than believing in online stuff. To sum up I believe the shops in city or Lifesavers we do not have to wait for days if you need of things hence online shopping maybe in trend but cannot replace the former at present.
A recent study has throat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on a pot and in fact we choose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
immensely
increased over 10 years and
still
has a higher growth in the market. Rise in technology has altered the way of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is on the top list.
For instance
for finding a particular necessity you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hover around city
instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
you can find it on your fingertips.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
provides you worried amount of brand numerous discount shipping in every area and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting at your home and beside all the mentioned advantages the prime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more convenient is you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out for anything
instead
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at your doorsteps. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has its drawbacks too.
Firstly
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalisation' is British English.
digitalisation
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
isolated from their real-world as one would give more time finding things on phone then to their family and friends.
Secondly
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human lazy
consequently
effecting their health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
talking about disappearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops and malls and city due to the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the emergency they are the real acid we can
totally
rely on Shi
nevertheless
viewing things in person or
still
more preferred than believing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stuff. To sum up I believe the shops in city or Lifesavers we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for days if you need of things
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
maybe in trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot replace the former at present.
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IELTS essay Will online shopping Will overcome the small shops in the city’s do you agree or not

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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