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Wild animals should not be kept as pets , disagree

Wild animals should not be kept as pets, disagree m2DJA
I disagree that wild animals should not be kept as pets. Wild animals are dangerous because they are species that live as predators. They have complicated behavior that people can not control. They are lovely and adorable when they are young but once they are mature, Their behavior turns aggressive and may harm their owner. Besides this wild animals carry diseases such as rabies, herpes viruses, polio etc… that could transfer to their owner and surroundings. They originally live and hunt in the wild, but if you raise them when they are young and release them to the wild when they are mature they cannot survive on their own. Aside from these, it is illegal in most countries to keep wild animals as pets.
I disagree that wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as pets. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are species that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as predators. They have complicated behavior that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not control. They are lovely and adorable when they are young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once they are mature, Their behavior turns aggressive and may harm their owner.
Besides
this wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
carry diseases such as rabies, herpes viruses, polio etc… that could transfer to their owner and surroundings. They
originally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and hunt in the wild,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you raise them when they are young and release them to the wild when they are mature they cannot survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Aside from these, it is illegal in most countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as pets.

IELTS essay Wild animals should not be kept as pets, disagree

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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