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More and more people are spending their time away from their family. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend ?

More and more people are spending their time away from their family. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? RyndM
Task 2: In the present age, more and more people are taking their time to leave their family. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this trend. First of all, one of the benefits of this trend is that young people will be more independent. Only when children live away from their parents can they learn how to stand on their own two feet without support from their parents. Moreover, it is important that they can cope with the challenges of life. Furthermore, not only will it help children to be more independent it can also help them become more mature. On the other hand, one of the drawbacks of this trend is that parents can more easily neglect their children. Parents have to make ends meet during the growth process of children. Therefore, parents cannot take care of their children carefully. Moreover, children can feel a lack of attention from their parents that leads children to become rebellious. Even though the relationship between parents and children will be gradually distant, so parents play an important role in the growth process of children. In conclusion, a number of people are spending time leaving their family. Both the advantages and disadvantages are that children can be in charge of their life and parents should spend time caring for children.
Task 2:

In the present age, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are taking their time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their family. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the benefits of this trend is that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be more independent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can they learn how to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
two feet without support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they can cope with the challenges of life.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more independent it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become more mature.

On the other hand
, one of the drawbacks of this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can more
easily
neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
during the growth process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
carefully
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can feel a lack of attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become rebellious.
Even though
the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
gradually
distant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the growth process of children.

In conclusion
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending time leaving their family. Both the advantages and disadvantages are that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be in charge of their life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend time caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay More and more people are spending their time away from their family. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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