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Governments should ban all sorts of adverts due to its irritation and interruption for audience. While others claim that the prohibition on ads aiming at children should be the top priority. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Governments should ban all sorts of adverts due to its irritation and interruption for audience. While others claim that the prohibition on ads aiming at children should be the top priority. 52BbA
In recent times, putting a ban on advertising aimed at children has become a debatable topic. It is a common belief that there is a colossal number of advertisements aimed at people and children should be banned. While some argue that this shouldn't be forced out. However, I concur that the latter initiative proves to be comprehensively it should no be banned completely. One of the main problems is accentuated by the factor that a plethora of advertisements when eating exceed the allowable can behave harmful effects on the health of children. People speculate this might be due to the fact that the advertised diet contrasts sharply with that recommended by public health advisors and themes of fun and fantasy or taste, rather than health and nutrition. Under certain assumptions, this can be construed as a variety of ads in showed in the TV, Newspaper or through any social media about Breakfast cereals, soft drinks, confectionery or savoury snacks, etc when absorbing the amount of this food it is rather clear to some extent, this may result in various issues to children like obesity, feeling tired, sluggish or drowsy. On the other side of the argument, there are a plethora of dwellers who claim that its should not be banned by virtue of when these ad became popular and attracted to more people this lead to increases significantly the sales and turnover of the company involved. They are vital not just in terms of contributing to the financial of country’s economic but as a means of more jobs are also created for people leading to reduced unemployment rate in the society. While it is true that although these advertisements can be harmful effect to health of a variety of people especially in children, there really is nothing to compare with t it have more advantage aim to boost our life quality
In recent times, putting a ban on advertising aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become a debatable topic. It is a common belief that there is a colossal number of advertisements aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be banned
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this shouldn't
be forced
out.
However
, I concur that the latter initiative proves to be
comprehensively
it should
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be banned
completely.

One of the main problems
is accentuated
by the factor that a plethora of advertisements when eating exceed the allowable can behave harmful effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
speculate this might be due to the fact that the advertised diet contrasts
sharply
with that recommended by public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
advisors and themes of fun and fantasy or taste,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and nutrition. Under certain assumptions, this can
be construed
as a variety of ads in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the TV, Newspaper or through any social media about Breakfast cereals, soft drinks, confectionery or
Possible spelling mistake. 'savoury' is British English.
savoury
snacks, etc when absorbing the amount of this food it is
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, this may result in various issues to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like obesity, feeling tired, sluggish or drowsy.

On the other side of the argument, there are a plethora of dwellers who claim that its should not
be banned
by virtue of when
Did you mean "this ad" or "these ads"?
these ad
became popular and attracted to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
this lead to increases
significantly
the sales and turnover of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
involved. They are vital not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in terms of contributing to
The phrase 'the financial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the financial of
country’s economic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a means of more jobs are
also
created for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
unemployment rate in the society.

While it is true that although these advertisements can be harmful effect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there
really
is nothing to compare with t it have more advantage aim to boost our life quality
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IELTS essay Governments should ban all sorts of adverts due to its irritation and interruption for audience. While others claim that the prohibition on ads aiming at children should be the top priority.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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