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why some people do not do exercise after work and how it affects their body what are the causes of it ? what are solutions?

why some people do not do exercise after work and how it affects their body what are the causes of it? what are solutions? 6xajl
Nowadays, People do not have time to do enough work out or physical activities due their jobs and invite various kinds of diseases. In this essay, I will discuss why it happens and what could be done to get over it. To begin with, One major problem which keeps the people away from the exercise is long working hours. To explain it, Everyone is busy in the race of earning money for their needs and wants so some people do long shifts and few of them work overtime which results in work stress. By this, They forget about their health and the wellness and adopt the plenty of different health issues. For instance, In a survey in USA, 75% of people are getting overweight by ignoring morning walk and diet plans. As a result, Less body activities makes people fat. To cope with this, People have to make a timing schedule after work and they have to put up some time for the body fitness. Furthermore, They should give importance to their body along with the work. To do this, Everyone take memberships to local gyms or activities centres. Moreover, Some people who have less time they can purchase the equipments like the treadmill or the bicycle and spend a little amont of time on them everyday. For Example, There are cycling race competition held in every city so the people can keep themselves fit. To conclude, people should look after their health along with their job by doing some efforts.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out or physical activities due their jobs and invite various kinds of diseases. In this essay, I will discuss why it happens and what could
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, One major problem which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from the exercise is long working hours. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, Everyone is busy in the race of earning money for their needs and wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do long shifts and few of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. By this, They forget about their health and the wellness and adopt the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health issues.
For instance
, In a survey
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting overweight by ignoring morning walk and diet plans.
As a result
, Less body activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

To cope with this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a timing schedule after
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the body fitness.
Furthermore
, They should give importance to their body along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To do this, Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "takes", "took".
take
memberships to local gyms or activities
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the equipments like the treadmill or the bicycle and spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake found.
amont
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
For Example
, There are cycling race competition held in every city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should look after their health along with their job by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
efforts.

IELTS essay why some people do not do exercise after work and how it affects their body what are the causes of it? what are solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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