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Many working people do little or no physical exercise during the working days or in their leisure time and have health problem as a result? What can be done how to fix it?

Many working people do little or no physical exercise during the working days or in their leisure time and have health problem as a result? What can be done how to fix it? n6X0E
Nowdays, working people devote less and less time to do physical activities, resulting they develop health issues such as obesity and heart problems. This is due to long extended working hours and employees get hardly any time for themeselves. Addictions to televsion programmes and video games discouraged them to perform physical activities during their leisure time. On the one hand, everybody is busy these day. People are working so hard to meet their personal and professional committments so they get hardly any time to relax or exercise. A recent survey conducted by the WHO revealed that twent five percent of heart problems patients have perform no physical activity due to their sedentary lifestyle. Apart from this, a country having five days work in week, people rarely train on weekends. They prefer to be on bed or playing video games which ultimately deterimental effect on their health. On the other hand, government should lauch campaign to encourage people to workout at least a couple of times in a week. Government not only penalize the employers who take work from employee more than eight hours but also they should be encouraged to open gym within the office permises. Moreover, employee can do some excercise during their breaks. An article published in The Tribune stated that simple strtching can help to rid of lethargy and increased productivity. In conlusion, busy lifestyle is the main reason why people are unable to exercise normally. The solution to this problem is to establish an eight-hour workday and encourage physical activity during leisure time are the solutions to this problem.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote less and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, resulting they develop health issues such as obesity and heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This is due to long extended working hours and employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
themeselves
. Addictions to
Possible spelling mistake found.
televsion
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and video games discouraged them to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during their leisure time.

On the one hand, everybody is busy
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their personal and professional committments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax or exercise. A recent survey conducted by the WHO revealed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
twent
five percent of heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
patients have
Use past participle here: "performed".
perform
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
due to their sedentary lifestyle. Apart from this, a country having five days work in week,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely train on weekends. They prefer to be on bed or playing video games which
ultimately
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterimental
effect on their health.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
lauch
campaign to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to workout at least a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in a week.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
penalize the employers who take work from employee more than eight hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they should
be encouraged
to open gym within the office
Possible spelling mistake found.
permises
.
Moreover
, employee can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
during their breaks. An article published in The Tribune stated that simple
Possible spelling mistake found.
strtching
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to rid of lethargy and increased productivity.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlusion
, busy lifestyle is the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to exercise
normally
. The solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to establish an eight-hour workday and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
during leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are the solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
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IELTS essay Many working people do little or no physical exercise during the working days or in their leisure time and have health problem as a result? What can be done how to fix it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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