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The internet does more harm to society than the TV and the other media. Therefore, the government should take steps to control the use of the internet. Do you agree with this view? Why/why not?

The internet does more harm to society than the TV and the other media. Therefore, the government should take steps to control the use of the internet. Do you agree with this view? Why/why not? 85dwG
Internet does more harm to the society than the traditional media. To begin with, internet become everyday essential only after year 2000. Before that people had to rely on TV, radio and newspapers for the information. Lives of the people were in much slower pace back then. Now in today's world people are so into the internet. Firstly there's no control over information. So anyone can find all the information on how to make bomb step by step just browsing over the internet. In recent times almost all the damages done by the ISIS terrorists all over the world is by individual planning and executing rather in a single center. Because people has access to information, can order anything online and execute a plan individually. Furthermore, most of information about the lives of the people are exposed. So criminals can utilize this information to hack their accounts, kidnap or even to murder. Recent criminal testimonials proved that. Multinational companies analyze the searching patterns of the people and target their advertising to feed onto that. So this usually ends up pushing people to buy more and more. Google and Facebook both accepted that they have sold their user information with the other companies. There are lot of fake news and lots of false ideologies spread through internet. As a result, people become victims of these especially younger generation. People become more and more obsessed with the celebrities and so called influencers now a days thanks to the internet. Although there are real personalities, there are tons of shallow personalities who are posting tons of posts with photos and videos their lifestyles where people tend to believe it's the reality. So eventually younger generation will choose high-spending glamorous life styles over simpler lives. Kardashians family who got world renowned for noting productive is the best example. In conclusion, the government should intervene and introduce censorships for the content. There should be controls over the authenticity of the contents published.
Internet does more harm to the society than the traditional media.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, internet become everyday essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after year 2000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to rely on TV, radio and newspapers for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in much slower pace back then.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
into the internet.
Firstly
there's no control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
anyone can find all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bomb step by step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet. In recent times almost all the damages done by the ISIS terrorists all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world is by individual planning and executing
rather
in a single center.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, can order anything online and execute a plan
individually
.

Furthermore
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
criminals can utilize this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to hack their accounts, kidnap or even to murder. Recent criminal testimonials proved that. Multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
analyze the searching patterns of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and target their advertising to feed onto that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this
usually
ends up pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more. Google and Facebook both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that they have sold their user
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

There are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fake news and lots of false ideologies spread through internet.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become victims of these
especially
younger generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
become more and more obsessed with the celebrities and
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
influencers
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
thanks to the internet. Although there are real personalities, there are tons of shallow personalities who are posting tons of posts with photos and videos their lifestyles where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to believe it's the reality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
eventually
younger generation will choose high-spending glamorous life styles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
simpler
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardashians
family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
world renowned for noting productive is the best example.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should intervene and introduce
Possible spelling mistake found.
censorships
for the content. There should be controls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the authenticity of the contents published.
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IELTS essay The internet does more harm to society than the TV and the other media. Therefore, the government should take steps to control the use of the internet. Do you agree with this view? Why/why not?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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