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Why should students attend university?

Why should students attend university? ldob1
University is a place where students can receive wisdom, discover their skills and get friends for their life. Most of every high school students dream of attending university. They consider about the advancement that several knowledge they want to learn and many lovely friends can be found at this. They also desire to encounter such awesome things being a university student. Parents definitely hope their children to go to university so that they can rely on themselves one day. This is straightforward because they believe university maintains them for standing successfully in their life being a wide person. After the university, it is no doubt they will have a decent career and support their parents well. Entering university is a key to harvest knowledge for the specific subject that students need to study according to their hobbies and skills. We used to go to high schools for general background knowledge of different subjects while university students specialize in only one subject they want to be expertise. However, students need to have distinct willingness and desire to learn everything they can improve their skills. They have to meet different types of students and so it will teach them to raise their social skills. Nowadays, some countries are sponsoring scholarships for our outstanding students with fulfilled or half filled stipend. For this reason, every students who wish to visit and learn abroad can receive scholarships so that they can fulfill their ambitions. After university, not only they can spend their time for their careers in the foreign countries where they attended university but they can come back to mother country if they want as well. In short, having o chance to attend university can be said as one of the turning points to a successful life. Students can choose a major study according to their hobbies or situations and it will lead to their meaningful life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can receive wisdom, discover their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
friends for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Most of every high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
dream of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. They
Did you mean simply "consider the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about the
advancement that
Possible agreement error. The noun knowledge seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some knowledge".
several knowledge
they want to learn and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lovely friends can
be found
at this. They
also
desire to encounter such awesome things being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student.

Parents definitely hope their children to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can rely on themselves one day. This is straightforward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
maintains them for standing
successfully
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
being a wide person. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, it is no doubt they will have a decent career and support their parents well.

Entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a key to harvest knowledge for the specific subject that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to study according to their hobbies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to high schools for general background knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
specialize in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one subject they want to be expertise.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to have distinct willingness and desire to learn everything they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will teach them to raise their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are sponsoring scholarships for our outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with fulfilled or half filled stipend.
For this reason
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
who wish to visit and learn abroad can receive scholarships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fulfill their ambitions. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can spend their time for their careers in the foreign countries where they attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to mother country if they want
as well
.

In short, having o chance to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can
be said
as one of the turning points to a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can choose a major study according to their hobbies or situations and it will lead to their meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.

IELTS essay Why should students attend university?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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