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Why people like to travel to the places where conditions are difficult. State advantages and Disadvantages

Why people like to travel to the places where conditions are difficult. State advantages and Disadvantages L3b58
I am myself a travel lover. I have been to many places, I have visited sahara desert in the past where the conditions are difficult. From a very long time I am planning to visit Sahara desert again. There are a lot of people who love to travel to the places where the conditions are difficult because it is adventurous. People travel to these kind of places to test themselves, whether they can survive the extreme conditions. People who love adventures always want to push the conditions to the extreme level. 2 years back I have been to Sahara desert, but I did not survived even for a day as I haven't performed any research and did not work on any skills to face the extreme conditions. But now, I have been researching and preparing how to survive in the places where the conditions are difficult. Now I have much more knowledge and I have mastered many skills which will help me surviving the conditions. Advantage: Visiting to the places with extreme conditions will help you to improve your surviving skills and make you feel confident about yourself. This positiveness will reflect in your day to day life too. Disadvantage: People visit to these kind of places with excitement and don't do much research before visting the place. One should perform a detailed research before visiting these places. Everybody's health condition doesn't support to do adventures.
I am myself a travel lover. I have been to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, I have visited
Possible spelling mistake found.
sahara
desert in the past where the conditions are difficult. From a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time I am planning to visit Sahara desert again. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the conditions are difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is adventurous.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
travel to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
themselves, whether they can survive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
conditions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
adventures always want to push the conditions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
level.

2 years back I have been
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the Sahara desert".
to Sahara desert
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I did not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "survive"?
survived
even for a day as I haven't performed any research and did not work on any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
conditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I have been researching and preparing how to survive in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the conditions are difficult.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I have much more knowledge and I have mastered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me
The verb 'skills' is used with an infinitive: "to survive" or "survive".
surviving
the conditions.

Advantage:

Visiting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
conditions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your surviving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel confident about yourself. This positiveness will reflect in your
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life too.

Disadvantage:

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
visit to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with excitement and don't do much research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake found.
visting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. One should perform a detailed research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Everybody's health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
doesn't support to do adventures.

IELTS essay Why people like to travel to the places where conditions are difficult. State advantages and Disadvantages

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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