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Obesity becomes a serious health problem between children in all countries

Obesity becomes a serious health problem between children in all countries a7lLY
In many part of world they are facing major problem of weight gain among children, that may be related to modern life style, and this need intervention from the family and government. Let's begin with the first factor that increase this, nowdays the modern style in everything thing changes even in the diet pattern many children prefer and consuming more junk foot, and the parents have busy life schedule the do not have time to cook and ordering food become solution for thier problem, additional to that may restaurants adding some substance to make the food delicious to profit more and increase thier customers. In other hand the children these days eat and sit front of the television or thier electronic items play games for long time and they stop to play outside the house like football or sport to make exercise and these increase the problem more. This can solve between the family and government more important to start from family, parents should teach thier children's how to live as healthy person by eating vegetables and fruits more and drink more water do exercise daily stop eating junk food. as government inform all schools should not allowed them to pring fast food or selling it in the school, and everyday they should do exercise at school. Obesity becomes as a major health problem among children in all world, and this should pring our attention to search solutions and I believe the solve can be between family and government to reduce the risk for our future generations.
In
Possible agreement error. The noun part seems to be countable; consider using: "many parts".
many part
of world they are facing major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of weight gain among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, that may
be related
to modern life style, and this need intervention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
factor that increase this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
the modern style in everything thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
even in the diet pattern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer and consuming more junk foot, and the parents have busy life schedule
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'do' is correct. If 'do' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the do
not have time to cook and ordering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
become solution for
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, additional to that may restaurants adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
delicious to profit more and increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
customers. In other hand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days eat and sit front of the television or
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
electronic items play games for long
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to play outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
like football or sport to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
exercise and these increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
more.

This can solve between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, parents should teach
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
children's how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as healthy person by eating vegetables and fruits more and drink more water do exercise daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
inform all schools should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowed
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or selling it in the school, and everyday they should do exercise at school.

Obesity becomes as a major health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in all world, and this should
Possible spelling mistake found.
pring
our attention to search solutions and I believe
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'solve' is correct. If 'solve' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the solve
can be between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for our future generations.
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IELTS essay Obesity becomes a serious health problem between children in all countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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