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Why need living alone (zs)

Why need living alone (zs) 0wo1q
Living at home with mom and dad are safe and in protected environment. However, they won't learn the hard lessons of life. I think that young people should leave home and learn to become independent. First of all, young people living alone will learn how to become self-relient and make decisions independently. For examples they learn how to clean their house, cooking and pay the bills. Moreover, they will get to know themself better. They will learn about themself that they never realized before. For example, exploring future goals and personal values can help them gain some insight on they identity. Thus, a well developed sense of self can make it easier to identify what they want and need from relationships with others. To sum up, living alone is a very real way for young people. Many basic skills will be learned from experiences.
Living at home with mom and dad are safe and in protected environment.
However
, they won't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
lessons of life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to become independent.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living alone will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to become
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-relient
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions
independently
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "examples, they".
examples they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to clean their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, cooking and pay the bills.
Moreover
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
better. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
that they never realized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, exploring future goals and personal values can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insight on
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they identity
.
Thus
, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
sense of self can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier to identify what they want and need from relationships with others.

To sum up, living alone is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
real way for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be learned
from experiences.

IELTS essay Why need living alone (zs)

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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