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Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? d95JX
Lately there has been a growing interest towards self-employment and many people have decided to quit their regular jobs and build up their own businesses. We will discuss the merits and demerits of this shift of interest for the society and people whom make this decision. We will also take a look at the factors that might be causing this matter. These days in our modern society entrepreneurship has become a controversial topic. While many people still prefer the job security of working for organizations and companies, the others prefer the convenience of self-employment. The topic has become so viral that majority of business schools provide a new education field called entrepreneurship in order to prepare the future business owners with the necessary skills. I firmly believe that rapid growth of social media and communication tools have had a significant impact on this change of interest. With the help of online marketplaces and social media services, starting your own business is just a few clicks away from you. Unlike a few decades ago that being self employed required at least a physical store, presence of World Wide Web has made it less risky and many people from across the globe can run their own virtual store with minimum amount pf investments. From my point of view, this rapid growth of interest in entrepreneurship is beneficial for both owners and their customers. More enthusiasm towards self-employment means more independent businesses which results in a more stiff competition. It also transfers some of the wealth from huge businesses to small business owners which decreases economic inequality and helps to adjust the income distribution among the society.
Lately there has been a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
towards self-employment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have decided to quit their regular jobs and build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. We will discuss the merits and demerits of this shift of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
for the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this decision. We will
also
take a look at the factors that might be causing this matter.

These days in our modern society entrepreneurship has become a controversial topic. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
prefer the job security of working for organizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, the others prefer the convenience of self-employment. The topic has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
viral that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
schools provide a new education field called entrepreneurship in order to prepare the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners with the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I
firmly
believe that rapid growth of social media and communication tools have had a significant impact on this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of online marketplaces and social media services, starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few clicks away from you. Unlike a few decades ago that being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
required at least a physical store, presence of World Wide Web has made it less risky and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from across the globe can run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
virtual store with minimum amount pf investments.

From my point of view, this rapid growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in entrepreneurship is beneficial for both owners and their customers. More enthusiasm towards self-employment means more independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
which results in a more stiff competition. It
also
transfers
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
wealth from huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners which decreases economic inequality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to adjust the income distribution among the society.
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IELTS essay Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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