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Why do you want to participate in EducationUSA Academy Connects and what do you hope to gain from the experience?

Why do you want to participate in EducationUSA Academy Connects and what do you hope to gain from the experience? VlqKO
Education plays an important role in our life. Especially, for young people like me who is going to make his own career by choosing himself a suitable university. I thought a lot before choosing my future profession. At last, I decided to learn English language perfectly to realize my dream profession. There are many reasons to make this decision. However, I want to tell you the necessary one. It is about the most famous universities in the world. Especially American and British universities that caused to caught my attention. I will start my career by choosing a university which is an essential for my future. I watched and learnt more about many famous universities through various videos and of course I also learned about their education system. Besides that, I spoke with many students who have studied at some of the U. S most prestigious universities. During my conversation with them, my interest to study there increased more than before. Of course, they did not get into these universities easily but they told that they had studied hard. After those conversations, I got great motivation for myself and made a promise to myself. I have been studying English very hard for two years. I tested my knowledge in different English competitions. I participated in the school and regional English Olympiads. One of my last exam was IELTS. My interest to learning English is growing day by day. I was always looking for different exams to study in foreign universities and I got informed about this online program. I really want to study at one of the American universities. Why I want to participate in this program. First of all, EducationUSA Academy Connects virtual program will be very useful and essential for me for studying abroad in the future. If I study at one of these universities I will definetly get knowledge that is important for me. Also, I know that teachers in these universities have a lot of knowledge and they have a lot of experience in their professions. It is the greatest dream for every student to learn from teachers who has really strong knowledge. If student study at strong universities, they will easily work in good places and be able to create their future without difficulties. I also want to study perfectly at the same universities and create my own future especially to gain good knowledge for myself in my future profession. In addition, American cuisine is also very popular. Last year my friend cooked American food for me. This food was very delicious. At that time, I really wanted to eat real American food. In general, I will definetly study at university which is famous and strong university in the USA. I also will live in the USA and learn more about cultural life of people. This is my big dream and I hope I will achive my dream if I participate in EducationUSA Academy Connects scholarship program. very person wants to be a successful and influential person during the lifetime. For being necessary and valuable person she must study hard, to be involved in community works, have a good experience for getting better job. Knowledge helps us to gain something or reach for main aims. Dueto the fact it is the key for all doors. This golden key leads us to be happy, lucky, healthy and wealthy. Who is clever in all spheres is considered to be a perfect person. Intelligence makes people smart. As well as poet Bedil said that ‘Wealth is not a great value of people, on the contrary knowledge and skill leads us to be rich and valuable”. Book is the soul and heart of people. As, the European scientist Stephen Stake mentioned books are the main source of getting deep knowledge. Who reads more books he will have a great outlook. Cause she gains more knowledge from books. Educated person plays an relevant role in social life. Learning is the unique and good deed in the world. consequently, the man who studies more and gets more knowledge has good qualities. At present time I am a pupil at school. I am getting knowledge in various subjects. Together with my study I am always friend with books. For this reason I am getting well with my study. My parents also happy with my achievements. I widen my outlook by reading books. My skills and experiences taken on reading books help me to participate in numerous competitions and I always have good results in these competitions. Full of books in my pretty bookcase is a clear example for my motivation to study. Day by day I am filling my bookcase with new and colorful books. I’ve a great future by having a motivation to learn and study. I’ll do for my motherland as much as I can. Students like us will be good and skilled specialist and achieve a number of goals toget success in numerous spheres in the future. Dear friends! Value your time. Don’t waste it. As we have a good proverb: ” Time is money, money is honey”. Spend your time to study and getting knowledge. You will have a great opportunity for making your bright future.
Education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life.
Especially
, for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career by choosing himself a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
profession. At last, I decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
English language
perfectly
to realize my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
profession. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this decision.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the necessary one. It is about the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in the world.
Especially
American and British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that caused to caught my attention. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my career by choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
which is an essential for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
more about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
through various videos and
of course
I
also
learned about their education system.
Besides
that, I spoke with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have studied at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the U. S most prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. During my conversation with them, my interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
there increased more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Of course
, they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they had studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. After those conversations, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
motivation for myself and made a promise to myself.

I have been studying English
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for two years. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
English competitions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
participated in the school and regional English Olympiads. One of my last exam was IELTS. My interest to learning English is growing day by day. I was always looking for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
exams to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
informed about this online program. I
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at one of the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. Why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to participate in this program.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
EducationUSA
Academy Connects virtual program will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and essential for me for studying abroad in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. If I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me.
Also
, I know that teachers in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience in their professions. It is the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'teachers' should be used.
has
really
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, they will
easily
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
places and be able to create their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
without difficulties. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
perfectly
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and create my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
especially
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
for myself in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
profession.

In addition
, American cuisine is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular. Last year my friend cooked American food for me. This food was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
delicious. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
really
wanted to eat real American food.

In general
, I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the USA. I
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more about cultural life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
and I hope I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
if I participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
EducationUSA
Academy Connects scholarship program.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to be a successful and influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
during the lifetime. For being necessary and valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, to
be involved
in community works, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
experience for getting better job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to gain something or reach for main aims.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dueto
the fact it is the key for all doors. This golden key leads us to be happy, lucky, healthy and wealthy.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
is clever in all spheres
is considered
to be a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Intelligence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smart.
As well
as poet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bedil
said that ‘Wealth is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
on the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
leads us to be rich and valuable”.

Book is the soul and heart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, the European scientist Stephen Stake mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the main source of getting deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
reads more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
he will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
outlook.
Did you mean "because she"?
Cause she
gains more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
plays
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
relevant role in social life. Learning is the unique and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
deed in the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities.

At present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I am a pupil at school. I am getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in various subjects. Together with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
I am always friend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For this reason
I am getting well with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. My parents
also
happy with my achievements. I widen my outlook by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiences taken on reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to participate in numerous competitions and I always have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results in these competitions. Full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in my pretty bookcase is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example for my motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Day by day I am filling my bookcase with new and colorful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. I’ve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
by having a motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I’ll do for my motherland as much as I can.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
like us will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and skilled specialist and achieve a number of goals
Possible spelling mistake found.
toget
success in numerous spheres in the future.

Dear friends! Value your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Don’t waste it. As we have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
proverb:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is money, money is honey”. Spend your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. You will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
opportunity for making your bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
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IELTS essay Why do you want to participate in EducationUSA Academy Connects and what do you hope to gain from the experience?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
867 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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