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Why do workers not have enough time to spend with their friends and families? Why is it happening and what effect does it have on family and society?

Why do workers not have enough time to spend with their friends and families? Why is it happening and what effect does it have on family and society? keXDe
In my point of view, because of the busyness and stress, workers do not have sufficient time to spend with their folks. It has a negative impact both on families and society. One of the reasons why the workers’ time spended with their family decreased is their desire to make a career. It means that they spend much more time at work than with their friends and family. However, in most of the situations they did it because of their folks. Workers want to be successful in their household, consequently after some stressful years they lose their real target. In them appears a wish to be the best at work, but not at home. Missing one of the members of the family leads to conflict, which can grow up to divorce. Absent people are wife or husband and of course parents. When one of the partners is missing, the other one feels alone. They thought that only they were working for their family. From this starts misunderstanding, though both of them are operating for their partnership. In society, it has had a big impact, in the light of the fact that many families decayed. Nevertheless the biggest blow falls on children, due to their parents they feel themselves not needed and their little psychology suffers. In conclusion, on account of excessive busyness working family members can not spend time in the household. This has negatory influence on family and society because of separation of partners.
In my point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busyness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, workers do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their folks. It has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact both on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and society.

One of the reasons why the workers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "spent", the past tense form of the verb 'spend'?
spended
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
decreased is their desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a career. It means that they spend much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work than with their friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, in most of the situations they did it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their folks. Workers want to be successful in their household,
consequently
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stressful years they lose their real target. In them appears a wish to be the best at work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at home.

Missing one of the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
leads to conflict, which can grow up to divorce. Absent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wife or husband and
of course
parents. When one of the partners is missing, the other one feels alone. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they were working for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. From this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
misunderstanding, though both of them are operating for their partnership. In society, it has had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact, in the light of the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
decayed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
the biggest blow falls on children, due to their parents they feel themselves not needed and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
psychology suffers.

In conclusion
, on account of excessive busyness working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the household. This has
Possible spelling mistake found.
negatory
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of separation of partners.
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IELTS essay Why do workers not have enough time to spend with their friends and families? Why is it happening and what effect does it have on family and society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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