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Why do people like shopping?

Why do people like shopping? L3oAG
Shopping is one of many activities that people prefer in this modern life. First of all, going outside and buying something is a good way to unwind. Consumers will focus on what they want to pay money for and forget all about the stress in their personal life. Shopaholics, for example, know that a beautiful dress and a luxurious handbag will make them happy when they drown in negative feelings. Next, it is thought that nice clothes can contribute to shoppers’ self-image. For instance, if guests can not wear informal apparel to participate in a wedding party or a significant meeting, their prestige will be on the brink of ruin. Therefore, shopping helps people decide the way they want others to see them. Last but not least, people can treat themselves by going shopping. After working hard for a long time, people deserve to reward themselves by splurging their money on new garments. To sum up, people love shopping mainly because of its benefits in relieving tension, beautifying self-image, and treating themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer in this modern life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, going outside and buying something is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to unwind. Consumers will focus on what they want to pay money for and forget all about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their personal life. Shopaholics,
for example
, know that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
dress and a luxurious handbag will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy when they drown in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings.
Next
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that nice clothes can contribute to shoppers’ self-image.
For instance
, if guests can not wear informal apparel to participate in a wedding party or a significant meeting, their prestige will be on the brink of ruin.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide the way they want others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can treat themselves by going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. After working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a long time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deserve to reward themselves by splurging their money on new garments. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its benefits in relieving tension, beautifying self-image, and treating themselves.
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IELTS essay Why do people like shopping?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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