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Why do people in the modern world tend to buy more than they need?

Why do people in the modern world tend to buy more than they need? oVxDK
Several factors could prompt excessive spending. To begin with, brands want to boost consumer purchase so a wide range of goods become increasingly cheaper, attracting shoppers to many low-priced products available. As the a result, purchasers would be more willing to buy new items and throw away old yet still functionable ones. Another contributing factor can be advertisements, since all kinds of them appear everywhere people can see. They are susceptible to advertising which promotes the value of material possessions and are tempted by shiny slogans with celebrities promising them a better life. Consequently, they are convinced to buy more than they need.
Several factors could prompt excessive spending. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, brands want to boost consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
become
increasingly
cheaper, attracting shoppers to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
low-priced products available. As
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
result, purchasers would be more willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new items and throw away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
yet
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
functionable
ones. Another contributing factor can be advertisements, since all kinds of them appear everywhere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. They are susceptible to advertising which promotes the value of material possessions and
are tempted
by shiny slogans with celebrities promising them a better life.
Consequently
, they
are convinced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than they need.
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IELTS essay Why do people in the modern world tend to buy more than they need?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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