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Who's to blame for animals' extinction?

Who's to blame for animals' extinction? kxDgK
Nowadays, animals are jeopardized with extinction, which, as of late, has concocted a deliberation on why this cataclysm surfaced from scratch. As far as I’ve known, I believe that there exist three main contributors. Among them, human is the major culprit that pulls the trigger against animals. Poaching, vivisection, research, hunting, … and the likes are all grave ramifications that we pose for our amiable friends. Moreover, stoking oil into the fire, we’ve plundered their life egregiously; annihilating multitudes of them, then rendered legions of them extinct. Our act which is lack of circumspection ostensibly pertains to the accelerating velocity of animal decimation. Although several stipulations are set in motion, the government and other competent authorities fail to help other creatures keep smugglers at bay. On the other hand, another cause to this propensity is the law of nature, the survival of the fittest, where the cutthroat battlefield of wildlife prevails harmonious cohabitation. For instance, Megalodon is the most notorious and malicious hunter ever known in history, yet they still succumbed to extinction at the hand of white sharks- an inferior creature compared to them, for they could no longer scour their food while their counterpart could. Furthermore, climate shifts also wreak havoc on animals: Titanoboa perished as the weather got more sweltering. In the case of dinosaurs, an unexpected meteorite crashed the Earth, which transpires rarely. These factors beget unmooring upshots to the point where all creatures are confined and embattled. In conclusion, I think we should take action forthrightly to preserve the natural habitats and boost the prolific procreation of these wild animals; or else, what beckons is viably an avalanche of ineffable repercussions, a fair comeuppance meted out to us for marring what belongs to Mother Nature.
Nowadays,
animals
are jeopardized
with extinction, which, as of late, has concocted a deliberation on why this cataclysm surfaced from scratch. As far as I’ve known, I believe that there exist three main contributors.

Among them, human is the major culprit that pulls the trigger against
animals
. Poaching, vivisection, research, hunting, … and the likes are all grave ramifications that we pose for our amiable friends.
Moreover
, stoking oil into the fire, we’ve plundered their life
egregiously
; annihilating multitudes of them, then rendered legions of them extinct. Our act which is lack of circumspection
ostensibly
pertains to the accelerating velocity of
animal
decimation. Although several stipulations
are set
in motion, the
government
and other competent authorities fail to
help
other creatures
keep
smugglers at bay.

On the other hand
, another cause to this propensity is the law of nature, the survival of the fittest, where the cutthroat battlefield of wildlife prevails harmonious cohabitation.
For instance
, Megalodon is the most notorious and malicious hunter ever known in history,
yet
they
still
succumbed to extinction at the hand of white sharks- an inferior creature compared to them, for they could no longer scour their food while their counterpart could.
Furthermore
, climate shifts
also
wreak havoc on
animals
:
Titanoboa
perished as the weather
got
more sweltering. In the case of dinosaurs, an unexpected meteorite crashed the Earth, which transpires rarely. These factors beget unmooring upshots to the point where all creatures
are confined
and embattled.

In conclusion
, I
think
we should take action
forthrightly
to preserve the natural habitats and boost the prolific procreation of these wild
animals
; or else, what beckons is
viably
an avalanche of ineffable repercussions, a
fair
comeuppance meted out to us for marring what belongs to Mother Nature.
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IELTS essay Who's to blame for animals' extinction?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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