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Ethnic group in different places in Vietnam

Ethnic group in different places in Vietnam 30V0l
The ethnic minority people in my village are very friendly. A few months ago, I journeyed to Lao Cai, a predominantly ethnic minority area in Vietnam’s Northern Mountains, to supervise a pilot survey. One older man I encountered—typical of many we saw—was a subsistence farmer with minimal education who spoke only his native language and had barely ventured beyond his village. Members of ethnic minority groups make up 15 percent of the country’s population but account for 70 percent of the extreme poor (measured using a national extreme poverty line). During Vietnam’s two decades of rapid growth, members of ethnic minority groups in the country have experienced overall improvements in their standards of living, but their gains have lagged behind those of the Kinh majority.
The
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ethnic
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minority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in my village are
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very
friendly. A few months ago, I journeyed to Lao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cai
, a
predominantly
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ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
area in Vietnam’s Northern Mountains, to supervise a pilot survey. One older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
I encountered—typical of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
—was a subsistence farmer with minimal education who spoke
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his native language and had
barely
ventured beyond his village.

Members of
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ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up 15 percent of the country’s population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
account for 70 percent of the extreme poor (measured using a national extreme poverty line). During Vietnam’s two decades of rapid growth, members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minority
groups in the country have experienced
overall
improvements in their standards of living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their gains have lagged behind those of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kinh
majority.
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IELTS essay Ethnic group in different places in Vietnam

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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