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Who would you like to go on a trip abroad with? Describe this person and say why she/he would be a good travel companion for you? v.4

Who would you like to go on a trip abroad with? Describe this person and say why she/he would be a good travel companion for you? v. 4
Physical education is considered to have some detrimental impacts on students to some degree. However, many people believe that having sports at schools is beneficial for teenagers and think that it plays a crucial role in the development of the youngsters. Personally, I am convinced that students can derive numerous merits of doing sports at school. On the one hand, physical education has adversely affected some students. Some teenagers do not interested in playing sports since they are not sporty people, and sometimes they may be injured. It is this bad experience that threatens and may prevent them from playing sports in the future. Furthermore, sports are not related to their academic studying so it is believed to be better practising outside schools. Doing sports at schools, on the other hand, brings students many benefits. First of all, they can lead a healthy lifestyle and keep fit by being exposed to numerous sports like football, badminton, tennis and so on. Secondly, should they play sports regularly, they can cultivate interpersonal skill and how to cooperate with their teammates. Moreover, physical lessons play an integral role in helping students learn more effectively as they offer teenagers splendid opportunities to rest and relax after tedious studying hours. Furthermore, schools are supposed to help students find their ability and train them to improve their future employability. For instance, when a student discover his talent in playing football, it is undeniable that schools can help him to learn more about professional skills in football, thereby contributing to his success as a footballer in the future. In conclusion, although some people still think that having sports at school is time-consuming, the aforementioned merits of doing sports are indisputable. From my perspective, schools should facilitate and encourage students to spend more time playing sports.
Physical education
is considered
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it plays a crucial role in the development of the youngsters.
Personally
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can derive numerous merits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at school.

On the one hand, physical education has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
since they are not sporty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they may
be injured
. It is this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience that threatens and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the future.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not related to their academic studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is believed
to be better
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
outside schools.

Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
on the other hand
, brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can lead a healthy lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit by
being exposed
to numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football, badminton, tennis and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, should they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
, they can cultivate interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and how to cooperate with their teammates.
Moreover
, physical lessons play an integral role in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn more
effectively
as they offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
splendid opportunities to rest and relax after tedious studying hours.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find their ability and train them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their future employability.
For instance
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
discover his talent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
football, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to learn more about professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in football, thereby contributing to his success as a footballer in the future.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is time-consuming, the aforementioned merits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are indisputable. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should facilitate and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to spend more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Who would you like to go on a trip abroad with? Describe this person and say why she/he would be a good travel companion for you? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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