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who are responsible in teaching the children to behave nicely in the community?

who are responsible in teaching the children to behave nicely in the community? yGael
Society can shape who we are as a person. But, long before that, it is actually us who can create the society by having a good relationship with our surroundings. It is not only occur to the adults and teenagers, but also the children. Yet, who are responsible in teaching the children to behave nicely in the community? The first opinion is that the parents are blamed for their children behaviour. A parent is the child’s first teacher, thus, the parents have to tell their child how to interact and communicate with the others. From how to act kindly to friends, lend and ask for help, to the simplest things like say thank you and sorry. The child also imitates what the parents do, say, and act. Therefore, they need to show the right gesture in the house. The opposing view is the teacher who should teach the children, and the school is the place for them to learn. This is correct, the fact that the children have many interaction in the school, makes them implement the real lesson of socialization. The school is the crucial aspect for the children to learn and experiment new things. The teachers, however, also contributes to the children’s ability to socialize. In short, there are a lot of aspects that can result to the children behaviour, in fact, many of them are outside the control of parents, or teacher. Nevertheless, the children spend most of the time in the home, therefore, the parent are the one who in charge for shaping their children’s behaviour.
Society can shape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are as a person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that, it is actually us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can create the society by having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with our surroundings. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occur to the adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are responsible in teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to behave
nicely
in the community?

The
first
opinion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are blamed
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is the child’s
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their child how to interact and communicate with the others. From how to act kindly to friends, lend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, to the simplest things like say thank you and sorry. The child
also
imitates what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do, say, and act.
Therefore
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the right gesture in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

The opposing view is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and the school is the place for them to learn. This is correct, the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
Possible agreement error. The noun interaction seems to be countable; consider using: "many interactions".
many interaction
in the school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them implement the real lesson of socialization. The school is the crucial aspect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn and experiment new things. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
however
,
also
contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability to socialize.

In short, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects that can result to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, in fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are outside the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of the time in the home,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
are the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
The usual collocation for "in charge" is "of" not "for". Did you mean "in charge of"?
in charge for
shaping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
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IELTS essay who are responsible in teaching the children to behave nicely in the community?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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