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Describe the biggest commitment you have ever made

Describe the biggest commitment you have ever made 6KQ78
I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area among consistent drought, fire, and smoke. From an early age, I understood the negative impact that an increasingly severe climate crisis could have on entire communities. With this backdrop, I set off on my largest commitment to date, improving the physical world around me through acts of preservation. First passively and then actively, I have focused my actions and career on creating a sustainable future free from the repercussions of climate change. My first acts of preservation started with community-wide water conservation amidst drought in the San Francisco Bay Area. I took “power showers” of less than five minutes and maintained rules for toilet flushing (that often seemed to break learned etiquette). My family followed “Spare the Air” days by not lighting fires through much of the winter to avoid contributing to poor air quality with added particulate matter. These actions were not initially for a greater personal goal but certainly drove my eventual commitment to driving sustainable change. This commitment actively started when I pursued a chemical engineering degree to prepare me for a career in energy and the environment. At the University of Michigan, my difficult coursework yielded a technical base that I have applied to my greater career when addressing carbon emissions and my impact on them. ¬After school I set off to make the difference that I had been preparing for when I started work as a natural gas pipeline engineer for DTE Energy and then for PSEG. While the connection to environmental improvement may not be immediately clear, I actively create and set into action solutions to reduce fugitive methane emissions from pipelines. First in designing pipeline replacement projects and then through calculating pipeline risk to optimize the replacement, I have eliminated future emissions and created more sustainable pipeline operation. In my professional career, I made true on my commitment to make the largest impact that I can to limit emissions and combat climate change. I have continued to limit the negative impact that I have on the world in my personal life as well. I no longer hike the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in New Jersey just for fun, but instead provide trail maintenance for the New York-New Jersey Trail Conference. As a trail maintainer, I keep up the quality of the trails that erode from human traffic and from consistent and severe storms. Seizing the opportunity to turn my hobbies into a force for good invigorates me and further solidifies my dedication. My largest commitment to date has been the work that I have put in to preserving the world around me and planning for a better future. While the time and effort committed to this cause has been considerable, I still have plenty of work to do. I will continue to weigh the impacts of my actions each day with the goal of preserving the planet that we all share and ensuring future without the pressures of a warming climate.
I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area among consistent drought, fire, and smoke. From an early age, I understood the
negative
impact
that an
increasingly
severe
climate
crisis could have on entire communities. With this backdrop, I set off on my largest
commitment
to date, improving the physical world around me through acts of preservation.
First
passively
and then
actively
, I have focused my actions and
career
on creating a sustainable
future
free from the repercussions of
climate
change
.

My
first
acts of preservation
started
with community-wide water conservation amidst drought in the San Francisco Bay Area. I took “power showers” of less than five minutes and maintained
rules
for toilet flushing (that
often
seemed to break learned etiquette). My family followed “Spare the Air” days by not lighting fires through much of the winter to avoid contributing to poor air quality with
added
particulate matter. These actions were not
initially
for a greater personal goal
but
certainly
drove my eventual
commitment
to driving sustainable
change
.

This
commitment
actively
started
when I pursued a chemical engineering degree to prepare me for a
career
in energy and the environment. At the University of Michigan, my difficult coursework yielded a technical base that I have applied to my greater
career
when addressing carbon
emissions
and my
impact
on them.

¬After
school I set off to
make
the difference that I had been preparing for when I
started
work as a natural gas pipeline engineer for
DTE
Energy and then for
PSEG
. While the connection to environmental improvement may not be immediately
clear
, I
actively
create and set into
action
solutions to
reduce
fugitive methane
emissions
from pipelines.
First
in designing pipeline replacement projects and then through calculating pipeline
risk
to optimize the replacement, I have eliminated
future
emissions
and created more sustainable pipeline operation. In my professional
career
, I made true on my
commitment
to
make
the largest
impact
that I can to limit
emissions
and combat
climate
change
.

I have continued to limit the
negative
impact
that I have on the world in my personal life
as well
. I no longer hike the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in New Jersey
just
for fun,
but
instead
provide
trail
maintenance for the New York-New Jersey
Trail
Conference. As a
trail
maintainer, I
keep
up the quality of the
trails
that erode from human traffic and from consistent and severe storms. Seizing the opportunity to turn my hobbies into a force for
good
invigorates me and
further
solidifies my dedication.

My largest
commitment
to date has been the work that I have put in to preserving the world around me and planning for a better
future
. While the time and effort committed to this cause has been considerable, I
still
have
plenty
of work to do. I will continue to weigh the
impacts
of my actions each day with the goal of preserving the planet that we all share and ensuring
future
without the pressures of a warming
climate
.
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IELTS essay Describe the biggest commitment you have ever made

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
498 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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