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While some individuals think for school children , their tutors have more impact on their intelligence and social skills than their parents, the others propose the importace of parents is as same as the significant of teachers. Discuss both of view and give your opinion

While some individuals think for school children, their tutors have more impact on their intelligence and social skills than their parents, the others propose the importace of parents is as same as the significant of teachers. Discuss both of view and give your opinion XyRKr
Developing the cognitive ability of children and social skills is really important. While some individuals think for school children, their tutors have more impact on their intelligence and social skills than their parents, the others propose the importance of parents is as same as the significance of teachers. In my opinion, I support the former idea. On the one hand, I totally understand why some people support the former idea. The chief reason is teachers who are teaching children in their schools were trained too much in the university. For example, after graduated high school teacher spends around 4 years to build up their teaching style with a lot of professors, then they must pass an exam for teaching children, so they have sufficient skills to develop the smart of pupils. However, most the parents did not studied about pedagogy enough so they might be lack of teaching skills as a consequence their children can not be as well as with teachers. On the other hand, there are several reasons why I side with the latter idea. First and foremost, Parents are the person who know their kids enough and they always know what their kids want so they can use this advantage for teaching their children. For example, parents always know the kind of food which their kids love so much, so when they want their kids to study they can use this advantage to pursue their kid do what they want and by this way, they can cultivate the intelligence of their child. Moreover, it is clear that children spend more time with their parents than with their teacher, so they often copy the behaviors of their parents and that can affect to the way children grow up. If parents have good communication skills, their kids will learn these skills and improve their cognition. In conclusion, while there are several valid justifications for teachers have more effect on student development than parents, I believe that some aspects of this idea are not quite right and in endorse, that teacher and parents have the same influence on children
Developing the cognitive ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, their tutors have more impact on their intelligence and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the others propose the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is as same as the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In my opinion, I support the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, I
totally
understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. The chief reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their schools
were trained
too much in the university.
For example
, after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
spends around 4 years to build up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
style with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
professors, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass an exam for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to develop the smart of pupils.
However
, most the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "study"
studied
about pedagogy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might be lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as a consequence their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not be
as well
as with teachers.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why I side with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the person who know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they always know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always know the kind of food which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to study they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this advantage to pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
do what they want and by this way, they can cultivate the intelligence of their child.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
copy the behaviors of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and that can affect to the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will learn these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their cognition.

In conclusion
, while there are several valid justifications for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more effect on student development than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
are not quite right and in endorse, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the same influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
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IELTS essay While some individuals think for school children, their tutors have more impact on their intelligence and social skills than their parents, the others propose the importace of parents is as same as the significant of teachers. Discuss both of view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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