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How has technology changed people’s lives?

How has technology changed people’s lives? mXwAr
It is often argued that the technology has brought out a considerable alteration life for people. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the negative impact of this change is more important. On the one hand, achievements of technology may have some major benefits for the jobs performance and human connection. The first positive aspect is that scientific innovations would contribute to promoting the effectiveness of work fulfillment. For example, a consecutive director of a multi-national company who usually holds online Internet-connected meetings with his staff and counterparts across the world can save his time and business budget for travelling and accommodation which should have been spent on on-the-spot meetings. The second strong point is that technology such as the Internet and other social networks online is used to network people who want to chat with their friends or relationships but separating by distances. On the other hand, although the technological revolution has several advantages, they offer some drawbacks. Firstly, the usage of various applications of smart devices, especially those in the Internet seems to prevent people living in a modern society from coming up with creative ideas because they can access numerous data available in the Internet for their subject. For instance, students who could copy an essays from a website for their exam instead of making them up themselves would gradually lose their creativeness in their learning process. Secondly, the rate of jobless people, who used to be the main labours force in many different industries in the past, would rise if enterprises’ production too much depended on advanced technologies since humans could be completely replaced by products of artificial intelligence like robots. Finally, technophiles who are stick to computer screens for their work and relaxation would lead a sedentary lifestyle which is not good for their health. As a consequence, they are likely to suffer from a lot of dangerous diseases such as obesity or diabetes. In conclusion, while it is apparent that there are some advantages of the technology improve people's lives, it is undeniable that the drawbacks of technology can overpower its benefits.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought out a considerable alteration life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, achievements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major benefits for the jobs performance and human connection. The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is that scientific innovations would contribute to promoting the effectiveness of work fulfillment.
For example
, a consecutive director of a multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
usually
holds online Internet-connected meetings with his staff and counterparts across the world can save his time and business budget for travelling and accommodation which should have
been spent
on on-the-spot meetings. The second strong point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as the Internet and other social networks online is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to network
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to chat with their friends or relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
separating by distances.

On the other hand
, although the technological revolution has several advantages, they offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
, the usage of various applications of smart devices,
especially
those
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
seems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a modern society from coming up with creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can access numerous data available
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
for their subject.
For instance
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
could copy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an essay" or simply "essays"?
an essays
from a website for their exam
instead
of making them up themselves would
gradually
lose their creativeness in their learning process.
Secondly
, the rate of jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be the main
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
force in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries in the past, would rise if enterprises’ production too much depended on advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
since humans could be completely replaced by products of artificial intelligence like robots.
Finally
, technophiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are stick to computer screens for their work and relaxation would lead a sedentary lifestyle which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health. As a consequence, they are likely to suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as obesity or diabetes.

In conclusion
, while it is apparent that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it is undeniable that the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can overpower its benefits.
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IELTS essay How has technology changed people’s lives?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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